Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Bike Helmets and Bondage

Oh, lordy. I need to vent. I was out in one of my local Targets the other day. I hit the toy aisle, looking to see if anything caught my eye for Monkey's birthday. As I rounded one aisle full of cheap, China-made commercialized crap (obviously, I didn't buy anything), I looked up and noticed a giant, heaving display across the main aisle from the toy section. The toy section is directly across from the books and media section. There, amidst SpiderMan, Legos, Barbie and some disgusting slutty dead zombie dolls from a whorehouse, was a giant display devoted to one of the most sucktacular book series on the planet - Fifty Shades of Grey. Thousands of pages of quivering, contorting, thrusting and heaving desire in direct view of any young child taking a trip to the toy section. Gross. That pissed me off, but I kept walking up and down the rest of the aisles until I got to the bike accessory aisle to browse through some helmets. As I made my way to the end of the aisle, the bright, cheerful colors of children's helmets, rainbow bike streamers,neon bike license plates and honky horns bled into...Fifty motherfucking Shades of Grey - right there, in the same aisle. Kids, I'm not a prude and I will do things just to shock people, but this pissed me off. There is no reason whatsoever to have that crap (and, really, those books are crap) sitting among items geared only toward children. That is fucked up.

Hey, I get it. The Target display design people were obviously confused. The children's toy section, particularly the section that houses bike accessories is incredibly erotic and an obvious hot bed for BDSM products. You've got dinosaur print or pink glitter bike chains, air pumps, knee pads, helmets, clamps (hello, nipples!), inner tubes and we all know the Dora the Explorer horn is just a ball gag in disguise. It's an aisle full of items to make Anastasia Steele (sweet Baby Jesus, please forgive me for googling that) scream, "Holy Moses! My Inner Goddess is tentatively contorting with quivering lust for Christian to wrap some Rainbow Bright streamers around my Inner Goddess's trembling neck...hard."

 Perhaps they read the book and decided to place it on display in a children's section because the author writes at barely a second grade level. Seriously. Barely. A second grade level. With a lot of fragments. Fragmented fragments. I'm not just concerned with a child picking up this book and read

 I'm not a prude. I love erotica and I don't mind a good porn video now and then (mainly for laughs, but still...) If you want to read FSOG and flick your own light switch, go at it! I'm not telling you not to read it. I have no problems with erotica or naughty sex books. I do have problems when a display of naughty sex books is placed in an aisle with children's product in the children's section. That is not okay with me. It's bad enough that you walk down these toy aisles and see so many horrid examples of gender separation in toys and way, way too much violence in toys/games as well as overly sexualized products marketed to little girls (for instance, the line of dead hooker dolls that I saw).  Now, kids round one aisle filled with dragons tearing heads off of bloody knights and princesses with more heaving cleavage and pouty lipstick than this week's porn star du jour and they come face to face with bike helmets and bondage books. Fifty Shades of Are You Freaking Kidding Me?

 Target, you screwed up.

 Really - can't they find another section to put that display of books? How about the tampon aisle. From my understanding of events in the book, it would be a more appropriate location. Oh....jeez.

 Please note, as I was writing this little entry, I decided to Google for some excerpts from FSOG because I...I wanted to be punished. At this time, I would like to apologize to my brain cells. I had no intentions of causing you such trauma. I came so close to cutting my own head open so I could soak my brain in a solution of dilute Dr. Bronner's soap, lavender essential oil and some Apple Cider Vinegar. The human brain is the Queen supplier of nerves, however it does not have nerves of it's own. The brain cannot feel. That being said, I assure you that my brain hurts. A lot.

 Another note - part of the reason why this book pisses me off, in addition to the boring erotica and piss poor writing, is that I know several fantastic writers who have been working their asses off trying to get published and they are having a hard time. And now some chick tweaks her Twilight FanFiction plagiarism and she's a best seller? That is...fucked up.

 Do you see the picture at the beginning of this post? I took that picture while nursing my daughter right there in the middle of Target. How much do you want to bet that more passersby would think I was doing something wrong and didn't think twice about porn in the kiddie section? 

 Back to Target - I have emailed them and mentioned that I thought it was a wee bit misguided to put porn on display in a kiddie aisle. I'll let you know if I receive a response.


2 comments:

Mrs. Riccobono (a.k.a. "Mrs. Rick") said...

I wouldn't be emailing corporate, I'd be demanding to speak to the Manager on Duty, and chewing them out. That book has NO place anywhere near kids toys. And I am no prude.

Funky Little Earthchild said...

I wish I did, Michelle. I was balancing a nursing babe and trying to push a cart with a 5 year old hanging upside down from it. So, I took a picture to show them instead. I do wish I spoke to someone that day.

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