|Asshole. Holy forehead lines!|
As many readers know, I have a Facebook page. It's connected to this blog. I have 2,000+ fans, which is small beans in the blog world, but I'm not worried about that because I'm here for interaction, not numbers.
I run a fairly easy going page. The waters are typically calm. Every now and then, I offend. It happens. I have very strong opinions, I have a wee bit of a temper, and I curse a lot, which offends people. I get the occasional, "you're an asshole email." This was one of those weeks.
Here on Blogger, you can track how your blog is holding up in the world. You can see your page views, what blogs are most popular, what countries your readers reside in, what search terms lead people to your blog, and more fun stats like that.
A few days ago, I noticed that someone had read every single on of my blog posts throughout the entire day. That's not truly a bad thing, but I had a small amount of concern. I currently have a few pretty creepy people in my life, including an ex who lives in this area that stalked me many years ago, resulting in me getting a restraining order. There are some losers I know who hold a grudge against me because they couldn't break me down and who would totally sift through all of my words, looking for validation that their treatment of me was justified. They'll never find that here.
Those creepers were the first thing I thought of when I saw that someone was perusing through every post all day. I posted to my Facebook page that it was something I noticed and wasn't sure if I should be flattered or creeped out. Part of the reason I posted that was for feedback - was it flattering or creepy. The other reason was to let any of my known creepy acquaintances know that I see them. Answers ranged from "yeah, that's creepy" to "probably just someone who thinks you're cool." The person doing the reading spoke up. She was just reading along, found me inspiring. And she was pissed that I posted that status. Ooops. I hadn't intended to hurt any feelings, but I did.
I then got a few emails that day and in the following days telling me that I was an asshole, I was being bitchy, I was rude, I don't deserve people to read my blog, I should just shut up, etc. I've gone back and forth with feeling bad to just rolling my eyes. 97.4% of the time, I'm rather nice and calm. I have a special dislike for bloggers who talk down to their fans, treat them like annoying little step-siblings, and are just general dicks to the public. I don't ever want to be that. So, I feel bad if I came across that way. However, I had explained a few times why I had even questioned why someone was reading every post. I also admitted that it would have been better if I approached it differently....a better option would have been to say, "Hey, I noticed someone has been reading every post all day. This is cool. Is it one of you?" Then I could have gone on to further explain why I was even insecure about it.
I was asked a few times why I even have a blog if I didn't want someone reading it. Obviously, I want people to read. That's why I write. I hope people read everything I write. My point was that there are currently people in my life who would spend their days analyzing every word I write to see if I mentioned them, alluded to them, etc. And that's creepy. That's all I meant. No harm.
I feel like an asshole for making someone feel bad. I feel like an asshole for not framing my curiosity in a different way. Am I truly a big asshole? No. I'm just a little one....that doesn't smell.
Just getting that out. Breathing.