Pulling My Teeth

I  have the suckiest bathroom lighting

At some point last year, I said I was going to start oil pulling. What is oil pulling? It's a method of swishing oil around in your mouth each day in order to promote oral health. Here is a much better explanation. Oil pulling comes with many claims - it will cure every thing from Alzheimer's to Cancer to Masturbation to Zinc Deficiency. Or something. If you google it, you'll see oil pulling listed as a cure for nearly every disease and disorder you can think of. I, however, do not buy into most of it at this time. I do believe it can have a good effect on your oral health, which is why I'm giving it a go. I know that oral health can affect your overall body heart, especially your heart and kidneys.....I'm just not down with the claims that it cures 948459478574 ailments.

 I was drawn to the claims in regards to oral health. I have suffered from gum disease and shitty teeth since I was a child. There have only been a few occasions in my life where I have gone to the dentist and have been told I was free of cavities. A typical visit yields at least a few cavities. My gums are always unhappy. I hate smiling because my teeth are ugly. They have permanent discoloration thanks to both tetracycline and braces. I'm good about taking care of my teeth. I brush 2 to 3 times daily. I floss one to two times a day. My diet isn't total crap. I do drink coffee, but it's coffee or heart meds (seriously - it keeps me from bottoming out and passing out - ask my cardiologist). My teeth are so shitty that I currently have cavities, but my dentist (God, I miss my old dentist) told me she will not fill them unless I have some scary deep, deep cleaning first. My insurance will not cover that. Guess what else my insurance doesn't cover? Other dentists. I have poor people insurance and, while it's been a lifesaver, the dental coverage suuuuuuccccckkkss. So, I'm down for oil pulling if there is a chance it could help my teeth.

There are also many suggestions for how to do this. The length of time to do it, whether or not to brush your teeth afterwards, the type of oil to use.....it all varies. I'm choosing coconut oil. That is what I have and what doesn't gag me. The typical suggested time is 20 to 25 minutes. I use a teaspoon, not a tablespoon.

What do you do? You put a spoonful of coconut oil in your mouth, swish it around like mouthwash, making sure to push it through your teeth. Do this for 25 minutes. Now, coconut oil is solid when the ambient temperature is under 74 degrees Fahrenheit, give or take a couple. Some people can take a spoonful of solid coconut oil into their mouth and let it sit there and melt. I tried that once, I gagged. It wasn't pretty. I need it in liquid form. In the cooler months, I melt it over the stove. Since I do this in the morning, I hold it over the stove when cooking eggs or bacon. It melts pretty quick. If you do this be sure to transfer it to a cooler spoon!! Do not be like me - I heated the coconut oil over the stove (P.S. - the first time my husband saw me doing this, he asked if I had started a heroin habit since that's sorta what it looks like) and then put that spoon directly into my mouth. Ouchmotherfuckthathurtssobad. Don't do it. When you're finished, spit it into a trashcan. Don't swallow. Don't spit it in the sink - it's no good for your pipes.

There's some question out there as to whether it is entirely safe for pregnant women and breastfeeding women. I probably wouldn't do it while pregnant and I'm barely nursing anymore. There's also a bit of debate about using it when you have fillings in your mouth. The argument is the oil pulling will either damage fillings - I remain unconvinced here - or it'll leach toxins out of your fillings into your mouth and you'll fucking turn into mercury itself. I remain convinced on this point as well. Besides, my fillings are there in my mouth all day, everyday, with a direct access to my bloodstream (live teeth! gums!). I'm pretty much fucked as it is.

As I said, there is plenty to be found on oil pulling and this isn't really a how-to. I suck at how-to stuff. I'm writing this because I tried oil pulling at the beginning of last Summer. I didn't last very long because I ran low on coconut oil and being extremely poor, I just plain couldn't afford to buy some more. I needed to save what was left for cooking. Thankfully, a friend generously sent me some coconut oil last month and I can set some aside for skin health and oil pulling.

I'm going to do it every day for one month to see if there is any notable difference. My regimen is easy - 1 teaspoon of oil once a day in the morning. Swish for 25 minutes. Spit into the trash. Rinse and spit. Brush teeth. Smile.

I'll let you know the results in 30 days. :)

*Disclaimer - the above link for coconut oil leads you to my affiliate link to Mountain Rose Herbs. If that makes you uncomfortable, but you want to check out MRH, just head to Mountainroseherbs.com.
*P.S. I giggled every time I typed "oral." Because I'm immature.

Granola Glam

There is a lot of emphasis in the Natural Parenting Community on what you do that makes you granola...or crunchy. Those terms describe people who live a more natural and earth-friendly lifestyle. There is a wide range of behaviors and actions that make one granola. Anything from using coconut oil as deodorant to making your own shampoo out of common kitchen ingredients can give one a certain level of crunch. Of course, there is a bit of competition between those who consider themselves to be granola. A mere sentence such as, "I just made my own homemade granola with the kids," can be expected to be one-upped with something like, "well, we made our own granola out of oats we grew ourselves, honey from our own beehives and I then mixed it with yogurt that I made from my own breastmilk." I'm serious, it really happens.

Every now and then, you have someone on a forum ask what you do that makes you crunchtastic. Obviously, this leads to the competition. Not shaving gets you points. However, if you do shave and manage to spin your just-shaved hairs into some type of human wool and then weave that into a Waldorf doll then you are the Grand Goddess of Granola. We bow to you. These questions are fun, despite some competitiveness, because you can learn new things. But, I also love when people ask what you do that isn't granola. It's fun to watch people sheepishly admit that they take long showers, eat McDonald's or drive an SUV. And that Grand Goddess of Granola? You find out that she bought her kids a plastic baby doll bottle from the dollar store...to feed the Waldorf Wooly Human Wool Doll. I love how this question highlights something - it is presumed that if you are a crunchy, granola hippie chick such as myself, you can't be glamorous or girly.

I am often met with surprise when I admit that I have a shoe fetish or that I love 1950's housewife fashion. Eyes widen when I admit to using nail polish and sparkles. It is assumed that us super granola crunchy hippie chicks cannot be feminine, cannot be glamorous and must always roll in dirt and dress ourselves in vinca vine in order to maintain our crunchy cred. Well....phooey. Yes, you will often find me in T-shirts proclaiming my love for the planet and long, flowing gypsy skirts. However, you will also find me in frilly sundresses, fantabulous and bright sandals and loaded with nail polish and sparkly jewelry.

The following things about me deduct points from my hippie soul:

I have said the following on many occasions - "I want to have sex with those shoes." Now, I would never engage in actual shoe coitus - they can't buy me dinner - but I have a major shoe fetish. Thankfully, we are pretty dang poor, so I am left to merely drool in shoe stores. Every now and then I "splurge" (Mama doesn't buy shoes that are not on super sale or clearance - $30.00 is steep for me) and treat myself to a pair.
I take long showers and baths. This is something I am trying to stop. Sure, a good soaking in some Epsom salts and lavender essential oil is good now and then, but there is no excuse for my long showers. I do it to get some "me time," but I can easily pretend I have to poop and just hide in the bathroom with a book. No need to waste water doing so.

Nail polish. I love nail polish. I try to buy the rather pricey brands that are lower in nasty toxins and are cruelty free. I don't do fake nails and I don't do the standard French manicure. I have gorgeous nails of my own that I take the time to file nicely. And I paint them in funky colors. I'm going through a slight neon phase right now. Neon is everywhere, but I actually remember it when it was truly cool back in 1988. I was 10. I'm often seen wearing at least two different color polishes on my hands and my toes.

While I mainly clean with concoctions made of vinegar, water, essential oils and castille soap, I will bring out the big guns. I do own a small bottle of bleach. I can count on one hand the number of times I have used it in the past 2 years. Still, it's there and I'm not getting rid of it. Recently, I had the stomach bug from hell and it landed me in the hospital for a day. As soon as I came home, I kissed my husband and kids and headed straight to the bathroom to bleach the fuck out of every last little puke germ in there. I believe that bleach has a time and a place. This was that time and my bathroom was the place. In addition to bleach, I own a few Magic Erasers. We live in an apartment and they used somoe kinda of crappy, chalking matte paint that shows every single little smudge. We painted a few of the walls, but some were left white and those are the ones that my son decided to scribble all over with crayon.....with the one non-washable crayon among a sea of 10,000 washable ones. Far be it from me to stifle his creative genius. I don't yell at him for it, but after a while I'm tired of looking at it. I have tried making all sorts of magical potions out of vinegar, baking soda, borax, lemons, sea salt, Dr. Bronner's...you name it, I've tried it...in order to naturally remove the crayon marks from the walls. Nothing worked. I resorted to that smug bald bastard with the tacky gold earrings, Mr. Clean. I probably don't want to know what makes it so magical...

I shave. Oh, the horror. Just admitting that has pierced many a crunchy heart. Listen, I understand  that we are mammals and this hair serves a purpose. I'm totally down with that. I have zero problems with folks who refuse to shave. For me, I like to smooth some areas out. I am not against growing my own socks in the Winter, but when Spring comes, I whip out my Preserve razor (made from recycled yogurt containers!) and mow quite a few lawns on my body. I like the look and feel of nice smooth armpits and legs. Heck, ask my husband about labor. The moment I realized I was in labor with my son, I hopped in the shower and shaved. And my daughter's birth? As if the start of labor with my daughter wasn't fun enough, my husband walked into the bedroom to find me sitting on the floor in front of the mirror, legs spread and up in the air while I took the electric razor to my bikini area. Again, this says something about our relationship when the only thing he said in response to that sight was, "would you like a pillow to sit on instead of the bare floor?" Awww. That's love.

I wax my eyebrows - My original eyebrows can give Bert a run for his money. They get so out of control that I can feel the weight of them on my face. It's awful. Again, if you love the size and shape of your eyebrows, I have no problem with that. I don't like mine plucked thin, but I like them nicely trimmed and shaped. I am unable to tweeze them. I find that I get bored halfway in between doing the first brow and the second. I once dozed off when tweezing my own brows. I had finished the first brow and was on my way to attacking the second when the sandman came. When I woke up, I completely forgot that I had been grooming my brows. I headed out to the supermarket and had no clue why people were looking at me saying things like, "bless her heart," and "that poor girl," under their breaths. So, to avoid all of that, I visit my hair salon and my lovely stylist slathers on some hot wax and rips the offending hairs out of my brow. I stop at eyeborws, though. They fucking hurt and I have no desire to rip the hair from larger parts of my body. You will not find me bent over in front of some chick while she rips wayward hairs out of my Funky Little EarthCrack. Ya know what I mean?

I love frilly dresses - Us hippie chicks are supposed to wear flare jeans and sandals or peasant tops with long gypsy skirts. I own all of those, but I do love me some sparkly and girly dresses. I have been known to visit bridal shops with friends just to dress up and twirl around in gowns for fun. I love 1950's style housewifey dresses, which also kicks away some feminist points (insert eyeroll here). Lace? Yay! Frilly, flowy fabrics? Woo-hoo? Sparkles? Come to Mama! Dresses of all kinds are a major weakness for me. Boho, retro, wedding, hollywood glam, long, short, sleek, poofy - I love 'em all. I adore getting dressed up.

I would love to dye my hair - if I could find a truly safe and natural to obtain some fantabulous blonde highlights, I would do it. Alas, I have yet to find a method. I know a lot of folks swear by lemon juice and/or chamomile tea. I haven't had any luck in that area, but maybe I'll try again. There are days when I am super tempted to go to my stylist to get some plain old foil highlights.

I go to the doctor - 99% of the medicine we use at home is homeopathic, herbal or FOOD. I even make some of our medicines. I use my own dehydrated placenta as an anti-depressant. I see a chiropractor now and then, I have an acupuncturist and I get energy work when I can afford it. Yet, I still see Western medical doctors. They know I'm that crazy chick who prefers natural treatments and will likely question everything. I have a cardiologist that I like to see on a regular basis. I go to a primary physician now and then. I take my children to the pediatrician. My husband goes to a variety of doctors (primary, cardio, pulmonary, neurologist, ophthalmologist). To me, doctors are like that bleach under my sink. I think they are overused in many cases, but there is a time and a place for them. You may have read about my daughter's hemangiomas and how we decided the natural course of therapy was not going to cut it for her. While I prefer alternative medicine, I am not opposed to western medicine if I find it is needed. Speaking of doctors, I am slightly obsessed with having my blood taken. No, not in a sparkly vampire sort of way. I love hematology and I do request yearly or bi-yearly bloodwork just to see how the old blood cells are holding up and if my chemistry values are behaving. Can't help it. My midwife will indulge me with this. She'll order up anything I ask because she trusts in my instincts and knowledge.

Gas - I drive a 2009 Nissan. It has 96,000 miles on it. *hangs head in shame*

You see, even I'm not perfect when it comes to keeping a high crunchy credit score. While I have made a lot of changes in the past decade to reflect a more Eco-friendly and holistic lifestyle, there are still some things I do that are less than Earth-friendly (even shoes and dresses - consumerism, ya know?). I am a crunchy granola hippie chick, but my granola is coated in ultra-fabulous tacky glitter.

You can't tell - but those are 4 inch heels and that's a retro 40's dress. We went hiking, all dressed up, on the way home from a wedding.

What's Buggin' You?

Ah, Spring. She is here. And she has brought us so many beautiful things; warm weather, flowers, vegetable sprouts, adorable baby animals and bugs. Bugs? Eeek! With the warmer weather, many insects and other crawlies come out of hiding to get to work eating, making love sweet bug love and making new bug babies. An aside: I'm just referring to everything that is not a cute puppy or kitten as bugs - bees, millipedes, stinkbugs, ladybugs, butterflies, ants, you name it - as bugs. Technically, the word bug refers to a specific class of insect, but we're not going to be technical like that today. Anyway. So many bugs do a world of good for us. Bees, butterflies, moths, ants, beetles and wasps keep plants - including those that bear fruits and vegetables - alive and well by pollinating them. We need these critters. Other bugs eat other bugs. Spiders eat ants and gnats and even stinkbugs. Those terrifying house centipedes (you know, they are the ones with 6,000 legs and they look hairy and they move so stinkin' fast) actually enjoy a diet of spiders and roaches. Ants eat aphid honeydew (goo excreted by aphids). Ladybugs love to munch on aphids and mites. Some bugs are an excellent source of food for animals. What frog doesn't love a good fly salad? Certain birds dine on stinkbugs, beetles, ants, mosquitoes, etc. Bats rely on a healthy diet of mosquitoes. We all hate mosquitoes because they can spread diseases such as West Nile, heartworm and malaria, but if we annihilate mosquitoes, we will damage the bat population. It's already happening. We've got bugs that are part of the decomposition process - carpenter ants, beetles, flies and their maggot babies, etc. are charged with chewing away at things that are rotted and dead (including flesh) and cleaning up the landscape so to speak.

The point is, even though many bugs can freak us out and we consider them pests, they do serve a purpose. It can be food for other creatures, pollination, population control, decomposition, etc - they all have a job to do and there is a balance in their existence.Does this mean I expect people to just embrace all bugs, hug the nearest roach and build a nice shed in the backyard where all manner of crawlies can live? No, not really. I understand that we don't strive to get sucked on by a mosquito or have a spider terrorize us in the shower. Heck, this EarthChild screams like Janet Leigh in psycho when she encounters most bugs. Now, I respect them. I respect all that is living and I will go out of my way to avoid killing. Yes, I am that crazy lady that will catch bugs in her home and escort them outside. Rather, I am that crazy lady that will scream for her husband to catch bugs in the home and escort them outside. I once had a neighbor frantically knocking on my door asking if I needed police help because a stinkbug landed on my hand as I was typing on my computer. It seems that I screamed like someone being stabbed. In my defense, the stinkbug was really big and I'm quite certain he gave me the finger and threatened to cut me. I should note here that I have five cats. One would think they would provide excellent bug population control. Not true. I once watched all five cats line up on the edge of the couch - tails flickin' like they meant business - to watch a stinkbug slowly meander across the window sill. Sure, one of them would occasionally sniff at the stinkbug, but they would quickly jump back if their nose accidentally brushed up against the beast. So, I don't know about anyone else's cats, but mine are useless in that regard. My house is not some stank roach motel, but we do get stinkbugs, a few spiders (had one the size of a Mini Cooper in my shower the other day - no lie) and the occasional house centipede. Unless you have a home like those on Hoarders, buggies don't necessarily signal a dirty house. Everyone has them.

My ode to bugs over - what to do about them if you don't want them within 50 feet of you? We are all aware that there is no shortage of sprays, pellets, chemical traps, bombs and powders available on the market to extinguish bugs. Some of us are aware that the majority of anti-bug gunk out there is pretty freakin' toxic to humans as well. Lawn and garden pesticides, such as Round-up, are well known for their harmful effects on our health. Pesticides designed for home use, such as Raid, can also be toxic to our health. Some of the known effects of the variety of chemical pesticides out there are simple skin irritation such as rashes, respiratory irritation, endocrine damage, neurological effects and cancer. Pesticides are especially dangerous to vulnerable individuals such as children, pregnant women, the elderly and those with compromised immune systems. It's not an exaggeration to say that we overuse chemical pesticides in this country and that we are, in turn, harming ourselves and the environment due to it. It's extremely frustrating and I believe that we really need to educate the population about the dangers of all of this crap that we are spraying on our lawns, trees and food. Ah, but that's another rant for another day. Today, let's keep it simple. What should you do when you want to keep the crawlies away from you, but you don't want to poison your kids and the environment in the process. Let me share my methods.

I rely on the natural order of nature, plain old plants, essential oils and vinegar to keep the buggies at bay.

Natural Order of Nature

I spoke about this somewhat in the paragraphs above. Bugs are prey critters. Just about every bug has something that will eat them. So, a method at reducing the bug population is to keep the environment friendly for those who eat the bugs. Attracting birds, beneficial bugs and bats to your yard is a great way to keep pests at bay.

Birds are relatively easy. Have a bird feeder? You have birds. Bird feeders are available at most stores that sell garden and yard supplies - even grocery stores - but you can also make them. Search around on google or Pinterest and you'll find ideas for crafting bird feeders from wood, leftover soda bottles, used milk jugs, used orange juice containers and more. You can also offer suet and place it in a suet cage or on a platform. Heck, I have even just placed leftover chunks of suet on the ground in my garden the birds seem fine with it. Suet is generally made up of solid animal fat (ew) mixed with seed, oats, nuts, raisins and the like. It attracts birds who also love, love, love insects; bluebirds, chickadees, woodpeckers, mockingbirds, wrens, catbirds, robins, titmice, nuthatches, tanagers, warblers....oh, there are so many. So, they'll come for your seed and suet cakes, and will stay for the bugs. Getting the kids involved in making feeders, filling feeders and watching and identifying birds is always a bonus.

Bats provide plenty of population control. They enjoy a delicious insect entree, with mosquitoes being among their favorite. I know bats freak a lot of people out, but they can be incredibly beneficial. I understand if you prefer to shy away from attracting these incredibly adorable rodents to your home. However, if you would like to increase your bat-friendly backyard status, I encourage you to research bat homes. These are flat wooden boxes that you can hang high up on the side of your home or an old tree. You can buy them at some nature centers, garden stores or you can even find tutorials online for building them on your own. Don't worry, you won't have a billion bats flying around your head. They are typically only active for a few short hours at dusk and dawn. Night blooming plants (think Four o'clocks, Evening Primrose, Moon flower) will attract them. Having a bat-friendly yard is an important step in conservation and a wonderful lesson for children in regards to environmental stewardship. Nearly 25% of the world's bat population is currently threatened and that number is expected to rise. Not only do bats provide pest control, but they are also pollinators. We need them.

Another important step is to keep standing water off your property. If you are going to have a bird bath, make sure birds actually use it everyday. If it just stands out there alone and untouched everyday then you might want to get rid of it. Also, change the water daily. Standing water is home to the larval stage of mosquitoes. Eliminating it is a major step in keeping them away. Ponds are popular, but be aware that they can turn into a nursery for infant mosquitoes. You may want to install a fountain or a filter that will keep the water moving. Be sure to clean up kid's toys, flower pots, garbage cans and other things that may collect standing water.

Ladybugs. Get ye some ladybugs. These adorable little guys will chow down on aphids and keep your garden healthy. And if the ladybugs get out of control? Well, the birds that you're attracting will eat them. The circle of life. Now, I know you can order ladybugs from garden centers and online stores. That is not part of my expertise, so I won't comment on that. I do know, however, that you can attract ladybugs with flowers and herbs. There's a large variety of plant life that will attract them - some of the most common are marigolds/calendula, tulips (they really enjoy cup-shaped flowers), dill, cosmos, dandelions, chives, alyssum, chamomile, lavender, feverfew and fennel just to name a few. One thing I rarely notice mentioned when talking about attracting ladybugs is milkweed. Milkweed is often grown to attract monarch butterflies as it's an important food source for their caterpillars. Milkweed is often attacked by aphid. If you've got aphids, you'll attract ladybugs.

Plants

There are a large number of plants who, typically by virtue of their scents, repel all sorts of insects. The best part is that many of these plants have other uses, such as in food or homemade medicine. Many of them can be grown both outdoors and indoors. Growing them outdoors can keep bugs away from your children's play area, your picnic table or anywhere that you like to hang out in your yard. You can also grow these plants in order to make your own cleaning solutions, herbal preparations or balms to apply to your home and body.

Mint - anything in the mint family will usually repel ants, fleas, aphids and even roaches. They despise the smell of mint. Mint plants will also deter mice and, sometimes, mosquitoes. Be careful as mint plants can spread quite a bit. I grow mine in little pots. I also dry and crush the leaves and sprinkle it around baseboards when I'm out of peppermint essential oil. Peppermint will also repel mice.

Rosemary - this happy little plant will repel mosquitoes, flies, moths, ants, slugs and beetles. It's also good luck to plant by your front door.

Lavender - repels ants, mosquitoes, ticks, fleas and moths. If moths are a concern in your home, you can dry lavender and hang it in your closet or place it in your drawers.

Marigolds - these sunny flowers repel aphids, bean beetles, squash bugs, white flies, mosquitoes and even veggie-stealing bunnies.Marigolds are in the calendula family, but you want the cheaper marigolds that give off a very heavy scent to repel insects.

Basil - there a a billion varieties of basil and most will repel mosquitoes, flies and Japanese beetles.

Catnip - great for tea and it repels mosquitoes, ants, roaches, beetles,fleas and aphids. Beware, it also attracts cats. However, I have not had a problem with attracting neighborhood cats by growing this.

Lemon balm - repels mosquitoes and flies. I have actually rubbed lemon balm leaves on my arms and legs to keep mosquitoes at bay.

Tansy - when we first moved into our apartment, I noticed a ton of this growing in our little garden. I almost pulled it up. I'm glad I didn't. This little herb gives the finger to mosquitoes, flies, fleas, Japanese beetles and moths. It does spread easily, so keep an eye on it.

Bay laurel - this is another that takes up space and needs to be brought indoors for Winter. It can grow to about 6 feet tall. You may prefer to just buy fresh or dried bay leaves. You can places dried bay leaves in containers of flour, oatmeal, rice or other ground grains to keep the weevils at bay. Roaches absolutely despise bay laurel. Grinding it into a powder and sprinkling it on the carpets or at your doorways helps keep critters at bay (I seriously did not mean to use that pun). You can also stick bay leaves in cracks and crevices to deter roaches and other pests.

 Citronella grass - this is a giant plant that takes up a lot of room. However, if you have the space for it then you'll find that it repels mosquitoes, flies, fleas and ticks.

Essential Oils and Vinegar

White vinegar is an excellent household cleaner. Be sure that your white vinegar is grain-distilled. Otherwise, it may be derived from petroleum and we don't want that. Vinegar in and of itself will deter many insects, including ants and roaches. You may find that you either can't grow plants or maybe you want an extra boost indoors. Many of plants I listed can be made into essential oils that you can find at your local health food store, Whole Foods and even supermarket (Giant sells a variety of essential oils). Be sure you are getting essential oils, which are made from plants, and not fragrance oils, which are made from the devil's ass hair and other toxins.


My preference is to mix a few drops of essential oil into my vinegar solution. My vinegar solution is merely a spray bottle filled half and half with vinegar and water. The essential oils you add are based on your own preference. In my home, ants are the common visitors and I find a vinegar solution with both peppermint and lavender added to it to be highly effective. I just spray floors, walls, windows, doors, counters and pretty much everything else with this solution. I have also rubbed straight peppermint oil on my windowsills to keep ants at bay. You can place a few drops of peppermint oil onto a cotton ball or a small swatch of fabric and leave it in corners or common entryways for ants and roaches.

Be warned - only try a couple of drops of any essential oil at first. Some people find that certain oils bother them or irritate their senses. Peppermint oil, rosemary and citronella can be especially pungent.

Another method I have used is to wash my floors with peppermint-scented Dr. Bronner's castille oil. We noticed ants in our kitchen last summer, so I washed the floors with some peppermint castille soap and they never came back.

This list is not the final say in pest control, of course. I am hoping this gave you some suggestions for naturally repelling unwanted guests from your home. There are other methods out there, but this lists is what I know best and what I have personally used.

I want to give an honorable mention to diatomaceous earth. Food grade diatomaceous earth is lauded by many as a natural way to get rid of pests. I know plenty of people who use it. I did not mention it here as I have personally never used it or done much research about it. If you know plenty about it, please drop a line in the comment section so readers can use that info as a resource. Thanks!

I'm Funky In Spirit, Not In My Armpits

Armpits. Some are hairy, some are hairless, some are in that odd regrowth stage between waxes (ouch!). Some are stinky. I know, I know. Our scents are natural and beautiful and are designed to attract a mate. Maybe. That may have been true hundreds of years ago when our bodies weren't subject to all sorts  of processed foods and environmental toxins which we exude through our pores. I, personally, do not like the smell of my  own body odor. I have no problem with people who think a bit of eau de naturale pit is fine. For me, I like a little stank control.

And boy do I stank. No really. I stink post partum. I've heard this is common, so I'm not the only one. I'm sure it's related to the complete hormone seizure that takes place in our bodies after we have our babies. It's a nice kick in the vulva after we've given birth - here you are, leaking goo from your vagina, leaking milk, you haven't slept since Tuesday and you can't even remember where the shower and is and, on top of that, your body is going throw in a little extra fragrance just for kicks. I'm sure there is a perfectly wonderful evolutionary reason for it. It was probably to signal to other potential mates. The scent says, "Hey, this lady just had a baby. She is extra stanky. Do not try to make love sweet Neanderthal love with her." Really...I love the natural life and I think our bodies are amazing. There are so many things that our bodies are designed to do that just blow the mind. The subtle messages contained within our odors are part of that amazing design. But, again, I choose to mask those a little bit.

Like most Americans, I spent years using typical anti-perspirants from the store. I never thought twice about loading my pits up with the white stuff. Years later, information came out that maybe, just maybe, the aluminum which keeps perspiration at bay can be toxic to our bodies. I also learned that it's the aluminum in anti-perspirants that is responsible for the yellow stains under the arms of our clothing. Not cool. So, I switched to a more "natural" deodorant. Personally, there aren't many natural deodorants that I have liked. I find that they still contain other questionable ingredients, such as parabens, or that they plain don't work. Or, they assume that all of us hippie folk want to smell like a garden of patchouli, lavender and oregano. I have nothing against those scents. My dad uses patchouli all.the.time. I just don't like it on me. The only brand I have really liked is Bubble and Bee Pit Putty. There are no scary ingredients and they work with you to find a scent combo you like. However, like many other natural deodorants, it's expensive. I cannot afford $10.00 for deodorant at this point in time. So, I looked for other options.

A few weeks ago, I switched to just coconut oil. Coconut oil is antimicrobial and helps to kill the stank bacteria in your pits. It's also pretty soothing. I can easily become satisfied with just using coconut oil. However, I like to tinker with things and I like whipping up concoctions. I also wanted something that may afford me some wetness protection. In my research, I have found that the following will help keep some of the sweat at bay; arrowroot powder, cornstarch and baking soda. I just needed a recipe that included some combination of those.

I found a recipe on Naturally Knocked Up. The directions are as follows:

1/4 cup baking soda
1/4 cup organic cornstarch or arrowroot powder
5-6 tablespoons coconut oil, softened
5-10 drops tea tree oil
Mix all ingredients together and press into an old deodorant container. To use, let it rest against your skin for a couple seconds to soften the coconut oil, do one slow swipe under each arm and use the palm of your hand to spread it around.

I modified that recipe. Baking soda has the potential to be irritating. I already know, from trying to make a facial scrub with it (don't ask) that it irritates my sensitive skin. So, I cut out the baking soda completely. This is what I ended up doing:

1/4 cup arrowroot powder
1/8 cup cornstarch
Another 1/8 cup arrowroot powder (I'm so sorry, I literally have a math disability - dyscalculia - and it's impossible for me to add fractions. I wrote it like this because I can't add 1/4 and 1/8. Yikes)
6 tablespoons softened coconut oil. 5 drops lavender oil. 2 drops orange oil (done by mistake).

I combined all of those ingredients in a bowl and mixed them together. I didn't soften my coconut oil, so it was a little hard to work with at first. So, I decided to mix it with my hands since the warmth of my hands would soften my coconut oil. It worked, but don't do it. It took forever to wash off. Once mixed, I stuffed it into an old deodorant/anti-perspirant container. It did not all fit into the container. I ended up storing the rest in a 4 ounce Ball jar. It can be stored in the refrigerator. Technically, you should be able to store it out of the fridge if the ambient temperature is less than 74 degrees Fahrenheit as this is when the coconut oil will liquefy and that would be a big mess. Our house is at 65 degrees, so I figured it would be fine to store on the counter in the bathroom. Wrong. When I took a shower and the room steamed up, I was met with a gooey mess when I opened the container. So, I'm keeping it in the fridge from now on. Refrigerating it may cause the cap of your deodorant container to stick or it may cause it to be difficult to push the deodorant up. No problem, just warm the container in your hands or between your boobs for a minute and it'll soften enough to work. As stated on Naturally Knocked Up, you only need a swipe to avoid getting clumps. I swipe it under my arms and then I rub it in by squishing my pits together and doing a modified bird wing flap. You can just use your hands instead.

Does it work? Well, I think so. I definitely don't smell B.O. funky, but I kinda smell like tacos. Remember where I said I added 2 drops of orange essential oil? That was an accident. I grabbed the wrong bottle at first. I immediately switched to lavender when I realized my mistake. It smelled fine in the bowl. Remember how I said I put my leftover mixture in the 4 ounce Ball jar? That one smells fine, too. My issue is with my deodorant container. I used an old container from Lady Speed Stick Anti-perspirant: Freesia Scented. I cleaned the container out, but I believe the scent is so embedded in the plastic of the container that it will never come out. It created some weird combo of lavender oil, orange oil and chemical freesia that comes out smelling like a floral taco. After I first used it, I had to go to a Mexican restaurant because the smell of tacos put me in the mood. In that aspect, this deodorant was a fail.

The deodorant that I put in the 4 ounce Ball jar works just fine. The scent is fine. It doesn't stop wetness completely, but it does help. Next time I plan on making a few changes. I will, obviously, change my container. I may try to soak it in vinegar to remove the smell. If that is not successful, I will discard it. I have a leftover container from my Bubble and Bee Pit Putty, so I will try that. The jar is still an option, you just have to use your hands. I will also decrease the coconut down to 5 tablespoons and I'll add in an extra 1/8 cup of arrowroot powder. That would bring it to a total of 1/2 cup arrowroot powder. So, I'm still experimenting, but I wanted to share what I have so far.

You can find all of these ingredients at a health food store, Whole Foods, Mountain Rose Herbs or some supermarkets (mine sells essential oils). Experiment with essential oils to find a scent you like, or leave it out altogether. If you try this, please let me know how it works!