Breastfeeding: This is WAR. Or Is It?

 

Copyright 2014. Don't steal it. I'll cut you.

It's no secret that I'm a vocal supporter of breastfeeding. If someone wants to make a nasty comment about breastfeeding mothers or threaten those who nurse in public, I'm right there debating them. I have blogged about breastfeeding many times. I have discussed the issue of breastfeeding on my Facebook page constantly. I'm outspoken, supportive, and willing to educate.

But not everyone is comfortable being outspoken. Not everyone wants to post 100 memes in support of breastfeeding each day. There are many mothers who nurse in public who have zero desire to attend a nurse in. There are plenty of breastfeeders who don't want to write about it, talk about it at length, wear lactivist t-shirts, or put pro-breastfeeding bumper stickers on their car. Are they any less valuable? Is their input worthless?

There are some out there who would actually say, "yes." If you've been around long enough, you may have noticed that. There are folks out there who believe if you are not promoting and attending nurse-ins, passing around every fired up pro-breastfeeding blog post, creating and sharing memes, and wearing a pre-shrunk, nursing accessible, 100% organic cotton t-shirt declaring your lactivism, you are not doing enough. They believe we must all be in the face of opposition, beating our chests and chanting. It's as if we must always have the mindset that we are at war. Arm your tits and roar!!!

There's no doubt that the chest beating and chanting is effective. I'm one of those people, for the most part. I do not, however, blindly follow the crowd. I do not support every single nurse-in just because. I question if it's needed. Did the company show remorse? Did they show they are willing to accomodate breastfeeding mothers without harrassment? Yes? No need for a nurse-in. If you decide to do one anyway, I will not lend my support. I will not speak against it, but I will not promote it, either. That point alone caused someone to tell me that I set the entire Civil Rights Movement back. Yeah, little old me. Who knew I had so much power? I completely changed the course of history - Quantum Leap style - because I refused to promote a particular nurse-in (Applebees). That sort of hyperbole gets us nowhere. And guess what? I think comparing the plight of American mothers who nurse in public to those who marched for Civil Rights in the 1960's is pure bunk. Yeah, I said it. I wholeheartedly believe that we need to keep educating people, supporting one another, and making sure we don't get harrassed for nursing in public. I do not, however, equate our movement with the Civil Rights Movement. I have seen comparisons of mothers who nurse in public with African Americans who marched in the 1960's. While I appreciate the general sentiment, the idea doesn't sit well with me. Last I checked, none of us have been hosed down in the street, set on fire, bombed out of our churches, or murdered. No one has set a burning Hygeia pump on fire on my lawn. While I vocally and loudly support the right of a mother to nurse her baby in public, covered or uncovered, and I think it's insane that we even have to argue it in America in 2014, I do not for one moment equate myself with Rosa Parks. Does that opinion ruffle some feathers? It sure does. That's fine. Disagree with me if you must. However, don't even pretend that my opinion sets breastfeeding back or that I'm not doing anything to support breastfeeding mothers and their families because that just makes you a foolish. I was born into this. No really - my mother worked in maternity for over 30 years and was a lactation consultant. I grew up around this and have been actively supporting breastfeeding mothers and their babies since I was in high school (my first foray into breastfeeding counselling was with teen moms at my school). It would take me a long time to list all the ways I have helped families and list all the names of the mothers who had my help with breastfeeding, so there is no room to say I don't do anything for the cause. I have also breastfeed my own children...and in public.

Do you have to be overtly vocal to support breastfeeding? No. The mother who breastfeeds is doing a lot to support breastfeeding. The mother who quietly leaves the Enfamil bag filled with samples behind in her hospital room when she checks out post birth is making a statement. The person who sends a link to KellyMom or La Leche League to a pregnant friend is making a statement. The mother who quietly sits on a bench in a public location and nurses here baby publicly, covered or uncovered, is making a statement. The mother who sits in her living room after the kids have gone to bed, sipping her iced coffee and watching Real Housewives, while stuffing envelopes for her local chapter of La Leche League is making a statement. The dad who holds his wife's purse while she walks around the grocery store, nursing babe in a Moby, is making a statement. The waitress who see a mother nursing her toddler in the corner booth of the diner and asks her if she'd like a glass of water is making a statement. None of these things are overtly vocal. None of them make it onto a bloody battleground. But these folks are just as important as those who are a lot louder. Though their voices are quieter, their message is still as strong.

Moving forward will always require those who are willing stand in the spotlight and those who are holding the spotlight. It requires cooperation between the people who want to speak firmly and those who quietly nod in agreement from behind their computer screen. It's not a battle over who is more oppressed or who fights harder. If those who are beating their chest are unwilling to see the value in those who are quietly supportive, then they have already lost ground. You don't need to write 1,000 blog posts screaming that you'll never ever cover your baby and that you'll cut a bitch for suggesting it or attend a dozen nurse ins. Nurse your baby if you can. Support other families who breastfeed. You'll make a difference.
 

Nursing in Public: It doesn't Always Make the News

In our little online world, we often hear about nursing in public in two ways: 1.) How to do it without a wardrobe malfunction and 2.) stories of harassment for doing it. There's plenty to say about nursing bras, nursing tops, altering your wardrobe so you don't have to buy specialty stuff. And there is more than plenty to say about women being harassed in public. It happens nearly everyday. It can be a small moment where a passerby makes a rude remark and keeps on walking. It can be the ignorant comments often found on blogs and articles about breastfeeding - "I totally support nursing, but women need to be discreet about it." It could be something much bigger, such as an actual business telling a mother that she is not allowed to breastfeed in public within their walls. You literally cannot throw a nursing pad without hitting a story about a mother who has been harassed in some way shape or form. I have addressed the issue of the rights of mothers to nurse their babies in public without harassment several times myself.

However, there is something we hear about far less - something that doesn't get a lot of attention. Happy experiences. Yeah yeah, some times a blogger, myself included, will ask women to share their happy nursing in public experiences on their page. It does happen, but not as often as I would like.

I just want to simply tell mothers that many women have nursed in public without a single dirty look or rude comment. It's not always a horror fest of ignorant comments. You are not always on the defensive. I am one of those mothers. I nursed my son for 3 years. I nursed him in public whenever he had the need. I have been nursing my daughter for 18 months now and she shows no signs of slowing down. She, too, has been nursed in public whenever the need arises. I have nearly 5 years of combined nursing in public experience and I have not had one single bad comment. I have never been asked to cover up, to move, to leave. My first time nursing in public was when my son was 4 days old. He began to scream and turn bright red with his furious hunger in the waiting room of the pediatrician's office. Being a new mom, I was a little nervous and wasn't as graceful with manipulating my clothing, my bra, my baby, his blanket. I remember trying to cover him just for a few moments as he latched on. That did not go over well. People looked at me, but more because my son was obviously screaming from hunger and not because they were shocked to see a woman nurse in public. And that was the last time I felt nervous.

I have had the opposite of negative attention. I have gotten compliments and smiles. I have had strangers walk by and say, "I miss feeding my babies," or "That is just the best thing in the world." Not too long ago, I stood in line in Toys 'r' Us and the cashier and two customers noticed me standing there nursing Squishy. The cashier smiled at her. One of the customers commented that it was just so nice to not have to carry bottles and bags and just feed whenever and wherever. The other customer and cashier agreed. And then they gushed over the infant nursing on my breast.

Those moments happen, too.

For what's it's worth, I have nursed in some of the big offenders when it comes to businesses harassing mothers. I have nursed in every aisle and department of Target. I nursed at Applebees. I have nursed at the YMCA. I'm out and about everyday and I have a long list of places where I have nursed easily without issues.

We don't see news articles proclaiming, "Mother nurses baby in public, while shopping in the shoe department of Sears. Several customers notice and smile and carry on with their shopping."  It's not because it's a rare occurrence, but it's because positivity doesn't always sell. You don't always hear about the woman in the coffee shop, who is told to please make herself comfortable while they get her order and they'll bring her coffee to her while she is nursing. You don't always hear about the waiter who brings an extra glass of water for the mom nursing at one of his tables because he has heard that nursing moms need to drink more. We don't always notice the nice old ladies with blue hair who walk by with a smile and a happy sigh while your nursing your baby and pushing your shopping cart at the grocery store. The grocery clerk who goes out of his way to help you carry your bags out to the car so you can keep nursing without carrying extra stuff never makes the headlines. These people exist.

There is no denying that we still have work to do when it comes to educating the public about breastfeeding and help others to understand that nursing in public is a right and there is nothing wrong with it. We're working on it. Change for the better will happen.

I just wanted to take this small moment to reassure new mamas who may be scared of nursing in public because they hear all of these stories about harassment. You don't have to go out there expecting that you'll need to defend yourself for feeding your baby everyday. I want you to know that there are so many times when it goes perfectly and the only attention you get is a smile or a mother of grown children reminiscing of when she nursed her babes on a bench at the mall. Remember, you are taking a stand even when you quietly nurse your baby at a table in the food court. Even if you don't get a smile or a comment, someone will notice. And that someone might be a mom-to-be who saw how comfortably you sat there while feeding your baby. She'll think to herself, "I can do that, too." There may be a young man who sees you and learns that boobs have several functions and it's fine for a woman to use them to feed her baby in public. You may get noticed by a younger girl, years away from having her own children, who doesn't even realize that she was exposed to a normal way of feeding babies. You made it look normal and natural and, while she may not realize it at the time, a little seed will be planted somewhere in the back of her brain, quietly waiting until the day she blooms with new life and realizes, "hey, I can do that, too." So rock on with your publicly nursing self!

Second Class

Folks, I'm pissed. I'm so pissed, that I have just sat down to write a quickie little blog about it right here. I'm so pissed, that I pushed my lunch aside so that I can type this out. And it's a good lunch - steak and onions. It'll wait.

I just read an article that I found from Momma Trauma about a young mother, a teenager in high school, named Jaielyn Belong. Jaielyn gave birth to a baby boy and would like to return to high school to finish her education and graduate. She is currently enrolled at Lake Forest High School, which is located in Felton, Delaware. Jaielyn is breastfeeding her son and would like to be able to pump at some point during her school day between classes. The school is denying her request, stating that the pump would be too noisy and that there is no where to store the milk. According to the nurse, the fridge is only for medicine. Hello, ass, breastmilk IS medicine. School employees told her that she'd have to nurse before school and then wait until she got home to feed him again. No pumping at school. According to the article, they won't even budge if Jaielyn brings in a doctor's note.

Please read the full article on the Momma Trauma website:

Delaware Teen Mom Denied Breastfeeding Accomodations

I personally believe that teenage mothers are a class of people that our society feels is perfectly acceptable to discriminate against. Teen mothers are treated as subhumans from the conception of their children to the birth and then beyond. They are treated as if they are stupid, classless, useless, slutty, immoral whores who are nothing but parasites and black marks on our society. I don't give two fucks what your religion says or what your morals dictate, teen mothers are still human beings and should be treated as such. This situation here is a prime example of why we have far to go in our treatment of teen mothers.


We all know that breastfeeding is the normal way to feed a baby. We are aware of the mountain of health benefits that come with breastfeeding, both for the mother and the child. We all know there are risks to not breastfeeding. But did you know that teenage mothers are more unlikely to breastfeed than there adult counterparts? Only about half of teenage mothers will attempt to breastfeed their babies at birth, but that number drops to 19% by 6 months post partum. There are several reasons for this such as the lack of support, lack of breastfeeding education, social stigmas and - what's that? - the return to school. There has been a desire among health officials and breastfeeding professionals and advocates in this country to increase the numbers of teen mothers who breastfeed. And here we have a mother who is perfectly willing to do so, yet her school is standing in her way.


You know, one of my very first experiences as a "breastfeeding counselor" came when I was a teenager - assisting and counseling a teen mother who wanted to breastfeed. I know quite a few women who became mothers as teens and who specifically like to work with teenage moms to provide them with the education and support to successfully breastfeed their children.

Out of all the girls who will drop out of high school, one third of them do so because they become pregnant. Only 40% of teenage mothers continue on and graduate from high school. These are dismal statistics. Unacceptable. Work must be done - and is being done - to ensure that these young women can have the resources to continue their educations and graduate from high school. And, and look here, we have a young mother who wants to do just that, yet her school is setting up road blocks.

We know what Jaielyn will go through if her school succeeds in bullying her into leaving the pump at home. It means she will go 8 hours without nursing or pumping. It means she will be at an increased risk for developing plugged ducts or mastitis. By the way, a good case of mastitis can knock her off her ass and leave her sick at home - missing school! It means her milk production is at risk of dropping. Would she have to supplement? Supplement can lead to even more of a supply drop. Why should her baby miss out? We also know that babies who are breastfed are less likely to develop illness, including ear infections or colds. Yes, we all have anecdotal evidence of a formula fed baby who never gets sick or a breastfed baby who gets repeat ear infections. However, the evidence is clear that breastfed babies are less likely to become sick. So, if we increase her baby's chances of getting sick, it means Jaielyn will have to stay home to tend to her baby and make doctor visits. More missed school. How is that fair to Jaielyn? How is that fair to her little boy?

The school says she might get bullied or teased if allowed to pump. Are you out of your goddamned mind? Newsflash: you are supposed to protect the bullied, not the bully. How about not tolerating bullying in your school? How about teaching your students that crap like that will not be allowed? Way to blame the victim. Perhaps we should send them some information on anti-bullying school policies and bring them up to 2013. 

This is discrimination. This is a civil rights issue. This is a human rights issue. Jaielyn has rights and so does her baby. Just because she is a teen mom doesn't mean she is any less capable of making the best decisions she can for her child. It doesn't mean she should be treated like she is the inconvenience. Her school should be thrilled that she wants to return. Maybe there is a tax break in it for them. :::eyeroll::: As for the pumps beinig disturbing to her peers. Please, as if there isn't a location anywhere in the school where she can pump in relative privacy. And, have you been to a high school? There is plenty of noise to be had. A mother pumping for her child should be among the least of their concerns.

She should not have to wait a year to return to school. She should not have to find a new school. She should not have to be homeschooled. This mother has chosen to return to her school and the school needs to buck up and let her pump. I promise them, it won't ruin the precious young psyches of the other students. If anything, it'll show them what responsibility looks like. 

If you'd like to take action, please visit the Momma Trauma blog linked above and stay updated on the situation. Pass that link around to everyone. Facebook it. Tweet it. You can call the school and leave messages. You can also email the school.

School nurse: dmblades@lf.k12.de.us
Dean of Students: chmorris@lf.k12.de.us
Principal: jfilicicchia@lf.k12.de.us
Assistant Principal: twmorris@lf.k12.de.us and jdberry@lf.k12.de.us

Lake Forest High School
302-284-9291
   
 Supposedly, the high school had a Facebook page that has now been taken down. I guess thy couldn't handle to comments. 

If you are planning to contact the school, I urge you to remain respectful. If we get nasty, sarcastic and rude with them it will just push them away. This is a frustrating situation from every angle, but we have to remain calm in reasonable when in contact with these folks. Otherwise, they will brush us off as "crazy hippies" and progress won't be made. There is a chance to make some positive change here, let's not ruin it with anger. I'm pissed about this, you're pissed about this and lots of other people on the internetz are pissed about this. That is more than understandable and it's fine to vent on our pages, twitter and Facebook. It's so frustrating that we are still fighting these fights in 2013. However, any contact with representatives of the school should be courteous and respectful. 

UPDATE: The Superintendent wrote his own blog post regarding this situation, which you can find here. He states that students may pump at school, though there are no specific accommodations (such as a designated room) and that students are responsible for their own cooler and storage. He also notes that the district has an alternative school where teen parents may bring their children and breastfeed or pump there. He notes that a teen mother who chooses to leave the alternative school and return to Lake Forest, "also chooses to leave behind a certain level of support." While I am happy to see that there is a possibility she can pump at school, that last comment about choosing to leave behind a level of support is a bit harsh. It shows that they really aren't interested in being helpful to this new mother. As I said earlier in the blog, there are alternatives to this school. She can do online charter, homeschooling or she can attend this alternative school. Personally, I would rather attend a school where I can bring my baby and remain all attached and in contact. That would be my choice. It's not up to me to make the choice for Jaielyn, however. It is up to no one but Jaielyn herself - and she has chosen to return to the regular high school. She should be supported in that choice and they shouldn't being throwing down roadblocks that would make it more difficult for her. 

My sources for teen breastfeeding rates and teen mother drop out rates:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3197474/
http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/teen-preg-hs-dropout.pdf 

Written while nursing my sleepy little girl....

Holy Mother of God

By Peter Paul Rubens

So, I went to church the other day. I sat there....oh no, wait, I forgot that I'm Catholic...I kneeled there, praying. I was praying that God would make me all super holy and more Christian than others so that I can feel righteous in judging some awfully gnarly things in this world, like the anatomical features of my own womanly body that He created. I hadn't noticed much when I walked into the church because I was too busy feeling the Spirit, but after some  prayer, I opened my eyes and looked around. I noticed the most vile and crude things. There were paintings....painting that showed a woman's breasts! In church! Where Jesus lives! Oh my God, this woman who apparently has an affinity for blue robes modeled for a bunch of paintings showing her indecently breastfeeding an infant - and sometimes a grown toddler! Fucking hell, even one of the paintings showed this rather old-looking naked baby just clinging on to her exposed breast, nipple and all, while He looked outward, smiling. This woman, this floozy, obviously thinks she's all that because in some pictures she is wearing a fancy crown and she always has a halo. Oh, heavenly. And just to prove how immoral she is, she is almost always flanked by flying babies, who are also naked and flaunting their wings and penises. Oh my God. Who does she think she is, just sitting there in her regal robes acting like she is the Mother of God while forcing our young, impressionable children to look at her breasts? Have mercy! I started having heart palpitations, so I had to look elsewhere and I focused my attention on the Crucifix hanging from the ceiling. I focused on the bruised, beaten, pierced body of Our Lord and all the blood that trickled down from His wounds and I prayed that I never have to see anything as offensive as a painting of some woman breastfeeding in public again. I then looked at one of my favorite statues in the church - it depicts Jesus, wearing nothing but His underwear, tied to a post, being whipped, His back a bloody mess as He received the cruel punishment for being the Son of God. I focused on those bloody gashes on His back again and prayed that the children will not ever have to view the vile images seen in those paintings of the breastfeeding woman. Then I took out my rosary and prayed to Mary, the Mother of God for a little bit, though I was still distracted by the flaunting woman in those paintings. I think I may write a letter to the Pope, asking him to have all such images removed from Churches so our children do not have their innocence stolen from them. First, I'm going to follow the Stations of the Cross around the Church and focus on the depictions of Jesus dragging that cross across town, His body full of bruises and blood until He finally had nails driven into his wrists and feet...I think they need to take those paintings down and replace them with a nice, moral Saint. Saint Agatha comes to mind. I've seen paintings of her holding a plate with some sort of jell-o molds or something. Kids love jell-o.

St. Agatha

Seriously, people think like that. Recently, someone had an image of a Renaissance (or high medieval, I forget) painting of the Virgin nursing baby Jesus removed from her page for indecency. In Facebook's never-ending witch hunt for breastfeeding images, despite their claims of allowing such images, they even managed to insult God and His mom! Asinine! I then saw a lot of debates on Facebook in the last few weeks about the appropriateness of churches housing paintings of the Virgin Mary breastfeeding the wee little Jesus. I guess I didn't get the memo that we'd be returning to the Protestant Reformation, when great works of art were defiled in order to cover up any saucy bits of flesh exposed on the subjects. There are actual discussions as to whether it's okay for people to see Jesus and His mom doing what many babies and moms actually do. I have to say it's not surprising given the fact that this country has a problem with respecting the rights of mothers to nurse their babies in public. It's been a long battle since we decided that breasts were no longer for nurturing the babies and were now only to be used as objects of sexual lust. So, yeah, I'm used to it....but, Jesus' mom? Are we really going to ask God's mum to wear a Holy Hooter Hider (comes in a lovely pastel blue with a virginal white lily print or you can get a custom designed one from Etsy with the Vatican logo embroidered on it)? Let me frank - Jesus was breastfed. I know there are some Christian traditions which are all about telling women that they are the embodiment of sin because they are women and that their bodies are shameful, but that crap doesn't fly with me. Why would God have a problem with the body that He created? He designed boobs all by Himself. He knows they can serve more than one function - nourishment, a nice place to lay one's head, a good place to hide small toys or, for the adults, a little something nice to look at. Obviously, God didn't have a problem with boobies or any other part of the womanly body because He saw fit to send his Kid to reside in a human womb, shoot out of a human vagina and nurse at human breasts. Get the hell over it already! The body isn't sinful! The sin is in shaming our bodies so much that we don't even remember what's normal about their functions anymore.

The Holy Family By Joos Van Cleve - is she mom enough?

It especially pisses me off because these are typically debates held about images seen in Catholic churches...by non-Catholic people. Dude, this art is our tradition and it's sacred. Respect that. Why are the breastfeeding pictures so hotly debated? Have you seen the imagery of Jesus on the day He died? It ain't pretty. In fact, you are more likely to walk into a Catholic church and see a variety of images of Jesus getting the crap kicked out of Him and, of course, nailed to the Cross. There's usually blood. There is no uproar over the Pieta, an image of the Virgin Mary holding her adult son, Jesus, dead and slumped over in her lap, yet we whine about an image of the same pair, only 30 years before that when Jesus was a baby at His mother's breast. Really? Where is the uproar over images of St. Agatha? She was martyred for her faith and they cut off her breasts. She is most often depicted in two ways - either in the moment of torture as they cut her breasts from her body or in her more Saintly form (fully clothed and, you know, alive) holding a plate with her own two breasts on it. Oh, but St. Agatha art gets a pass because her breasts are being removed, they are not nursing an infant. Art depicting violence towards a woman's breasts is ok. Art depicting the natural function of breasts is sinful and shameful. The hypocrisy is astounding.

Michelangelo's Pieta at St. Peter's Basilica

I guess people are getting weary over the whole breastfeeding in public argument because they keep getting beaten down by logic and reason. So, they do the natural thing when you cannot reasonably argue and discriminate against something - hide behind religion. Eyeroll. It's not going to work folks. You can stop harassing moms in malls when they feed their children. You can also lay off the Mother of God. There are other problems in the world and the sight of a mother nursing her child is not one of them. It's time to move on. Your religion doesn't give you the right to harass and judge any mother for nursing in public, whether she is the Mother of God or a mom sitting behind you in your church pew. Nothing divine or earthly gives you that right.


"Gather the people, consecrate the assembly; bring together the elders, gather the children, those nursing at the breast." - Joel 2:16

...."God bless your mother--the womb from which you came, and the breasts that nursed you!" - Luke 11:27


P.S. - a little fun trivia - an important component of Medieval and early Renaissance artwork was to communicate with worshippers back when the more common folk couldn't read. Paintings were loaded with symbolism that most people would have been able to understand. Baby Jesus nursing was a major symbol of His humanity. That's also why He was depicted nude. Let's have fun with the Van Cleve painting up there, just for a moment. Nude baby nursing = Jesus as a human. Knife = circumcision (booo) of Jesus. Old dude = it was commonly believed that Joseph was a really old guy when he married Mary. Mary's blue and white duds = her virginity, purity and motherhood. Mary's red duds = Passion of Christ and His blood that washes away all sins. Citrus fruits = weaning. It was believed Jesus was weaned onto citrus fruit. Enclosed window with garden/pastoral scene in the background = Mary's purity. Joesph is often seen at that window as a symbol of his protection of her purity. I think there is a sheep in the pastoral scene behind Joseph and that = Jesus as Lamb of God. There is a glass of wine which = Christ's blood and passion. There is a reflection of light in the shape of the cross in the glass. I'm not sure what St. Joe is reading here, but he is often depicted reading The Magnificat. Isn't that cool? The medieval paintings are treasure troves of symbolism.

Nursing in Public: Horror of Horrors? Maybe Not

Nursing in Public with my breast friend. Copyright 2007 JSH

Ah yes, the image of a mother sitting on a bench at the mall, sandwiched between Hollister and a free-standing kiosk where some creepy dude asks if he can see your nails. Scores of teenagers walk by, clad in high top sneakers and neon short shorts (wait, did I just write that in 2012? Did we time warp back to 1987?), eyes and fingers glued to iPhones. Sure, we could get offended that a 13 year old girl just walked out of Hollister wearing a tank top that shows her ample perky cleavage, with the back of the top made out of see through lace and a pair of shorts that are so short that you can see her buttocks clinging to her thighs for dear life as they fear they may fall to the ground without any support. Across the way, Victoria's Secret's music is thumping and you can see four posters up on the windows showing underweight models with breasts the size of GMO watermelons pouring out of bras that promise to lift, define and change your whole fucking life. One of the models has her body twisted in a pose that not only shows her heaving bosom, but also reveals her airbrushed taut ass being barely covered in a lacy thong. All of that is fine. We're not going to call a security guard because some 13 year old girl is barely covered in her clothing or because there are posters showing mostly naked women seductively staring at you from behind the bra shop window. We don't care that Hot Topic is blasting some song about someone wanting to fuck someone else. No, we care that the mother sitting on the bench is committing such a terrible sin - nursing in public. That's right. She's sitting there with her baby sucking on her breasts. In public. I mean, you can't even see her boob because she has one some sort of clothing that prevents that, but you know what she's doing. If you get close enough to scold the mother for her indecency, you may even hear the baby making swallowing noises as he eats. Isn't that terrible? Of course, you don't want to get too close or you and your children might just see a nipple. Did you know there is an epidemic of people dying because they see nipples? I didn't, either.

Puh-fucking-lease. If this is you, the person who gets oh so offended over seeing a mother nurse her child in the mall or any public place, please do the world a favor, get on the right side of history, and get over yourself. I have zero tolerance for individuals who call security guards and cops on women who are feeding their children. It's 2012. We all know by now that nursing is normal. We all know that people don't die when they see nipples. For fuck's sake, Mark Wahlberg's three nipples hung above Times Square forever and no one died. Why is a nipple that feeds a child any different? Obviously, a nip slip while a mother is nursing is actually quite rare and the most anyone will see is the top of her breast, maybe some side boob or underboob. Sorry, none of that is offensive. You see more titty on teenage girls. You see more titty on grown men. Don't like it? Don't look. For god's sake, use your neck and turn your head. Blink. Look elsewhere. Babies eat from boobs. It's not about you. It's not about someone trying to offend you. It's about feeding babies. Get over it.

Really - you feel the need to take a cop off the street, from protecting the public from real crimes like rape, burglary and murder just to tattle on some woman who is breastfeeding in public? Damn, better pay me a few bucks, because you just wasted my tax dollars for that frivolous cop call.  Sitting at home on your Facebook, playing Farmville and flagging other Facebook members for posting nursing photos or videos? Life called, it wants you to get in on it.

Before you call the cops or before you report some Facebook photo, take a moment to get on your knees and pray. Pray to God, Jehovah, Jim, Flying Spaghetti Monster or Gene Roddenberry - I don't care. Just pray and say thank you. Thank your God that your life is so darned fucking perfect that the only thing you can find wrong with it is that some mother dared to breastfeed somewhere within your optical field. It must be really nice to live in such harmony where a mother who feeds her child in the most normal way is the only damn thing you can find wrong in this world.

I am not here to condemn you, despite my obvious hostility in this post. I am here to help you. You seem to lack a broader world view and that can lead all sorts of narrow-minded shenanigans, such as soliciting law enforcement to make a baby stop breastfeeding at Applebees. I want to assist you in finding other  things wrong with the world. You seem to want to help make this world a better place. You seem to have a need to be mad at something. By now, you must realize that shaking your fist at nursing in public isn't the answer. So, where can you turn that self-righteous indignation? Let me show you the way. Here are some real problems that should make you want to take action.

1 in 7 Americans lives below the poverty line, with more than half of our citizens experiencing true poverty by the age of 65. 1 out of every five children lives in poverty. The same amount of children, 1 in 5, goes day to day wondering when or where there next meal will come. 48 million Americans - 16 million of those are children - struggle to feed their families each day. Get pissed about hunger.

In America, a person is raped every 2 minutes.  How many people have been raped since I started writing this ten minutes ago? 1 in 10 men have been raped. American women are 10 times as likely to be raped than to die in an automobile collision. 1 out of 7 college women has been a victim of rape, yet 90% of them never report it. In fact, of all the rapes in this country, over half do not go reported. 1 in 15 rape victims will become infected with a sexually transmitted disease. Only 3% of rapists actually go to jail. Get pissed about rape.

Everyday - every mother fucking day - more than five children in this country will die of child abuse. When you go to bed tonight, don't think of the nursing mother at the mall, think of the 5 children who were alive 24 hours ago but died at someone else's hands. 80% of those children who died were under 4 years of age. Of the children who survive the abuse, 30% will grow up and will abuse their own children. There is a report of child abuse filed every 10 seconds in America. I couldn't even write this paragraph without breaking down. Get pissed about child abuse.

Over 42 million Americans have been sexually abused as children. 500,000 of the children born this year will experience sexual abuse as children. 1 in 4 girls will be sexually abused. 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused. I want to vomit. Get pissed about child sexual abuse.

Count to 9. Are you done? In those 9 seconds, a woman was beaten. When you go to bed at night and you think of the 5 children who died as a result of abuse today, please add on the 3 women who die each day at the hands of a husband or boyfriend and the one man who dies each day at the hands of a girlfriend or wife. 10 million children witness domestic violence in their homes each year - half of those kids will grow up to become abusers and continue the cycle.  6 million men are victims of domestic violence. Get pissed off about domestic violence.

That's just a sample of things in this country that are truly wrong. If you're reasonable, you'll see that these things are worth way more of your energy than worrying about a mother nursing her child somewhere public. Focus your energy into solving these problems and not harassing some random breastfeeder at Denny's. Good? Good.

Statistic Sources:

http://www.dvrc-or.org/domestic/violence/resources/C61/
http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-statistics/
http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6143427/k.38C5/Child_Sexual_Abuse_Statistics.htm
http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics
http://www.oneinfourusa.org/statistics.php
http://www.rainn.org/statistics
http://www.crisisconnectioninc.org/sexualassault/rapestatistics.htm
http://www.bread.org/hunger/us/facts.html

How you Can Help:
Bread For the World - Hunger
The Hunger Site - Hunger and Poverty
RAINN - Rape, Abuse, Incest
Darkness To Light - Child Sexual Abuse
American Humane Association - Child Abuse
Every child Matters - Child Abuse
National Network to End Domestic Violence  - Domestic Violence

Cover the Debate

Copyright JSH 2007

Nursing in public. It is a hotly debated subject. There are those who believe you shouldn't do it. There are those who believe you should do it. There are opinions that fall in line somewhere between those two extremes. I have my own feelings on breastfeeding in public. I'm all for it. No woman should ever feel ashamed to feed her baby on demand wherever she happens to be. At the mall, at Church, at a soccer game, in Chuck E. Cheese, on a plane...feed that baby when that baby is hungry. Personally, people would be sorry if they came up to me and got rude with me when I was nursing in public. I don't take shit and would hope that other moms wouldn't take shit, either. However, not everyone has my type of personality. Many women are self conscious and have difficulty nursing in public for various reasons. Enter another debate - the cover.

Oh, holy Lord, the fucking breastfeeding cover. We aren't going to talk about the general public attitude toward breastfeeding in public. No, we're going to talk about something that sparks a shitstorm of debate among breastfeeding advocates. The nursing cover is a much debated subject among the lactivist set. Anytime a blogger asks the question, "Breastfeeding cover? Yay or nay?" on their Facebook page you can expect a firestorm of opinion. We're not debating the color of the covers. We're not debating the material of the covers. We're not debating who sells the best cover at the lowest price. Nope. We're debating whether or not breastfeeding mothers should ever ever use them. And it can get nasty. We eat our own kind in these debates. To an onlooker, these debates give the anti-breastfeeding set fuel for their fire and justification for using that horrible word about us - Nazis. 

I will tell you what I think of covers. I'm not fond of them. I don't think they are discreet because nothing screams, "I'M BREASTFEEDING OVER HERE!" like a big lime green cover with super hot pink flowers printed on it draped over your shoulders and a pair of baby feet sticking out. I have often joked that if I ever get a nursing cover, I want one that says, "Discreetly breastfeeding." I think they can be hot to the baby. There is the risk of rebreathing stale air. I don't like women to feel like they have to use them. I tried to cover with a blanket twice when my son was a newbie. On both occasions it lasted all of 20 seconds. He hated it and I am super clumsy so I ended up getting myself all tangled in the blanket and that is probably the only time in my public breastfeeding career that I did flash a nipple. So, do you think I am sitting next to covered women telling them they need to pull that Hooter Hider off? Hell to the no.

I have been sickened to read other women tell breastfeeding mothers that they are hurting all of us by covering. I have seen a lot of public shaming of mothers who cover. The following comment is real, "Those women discredit all breastfeeders. They do a lot of harm to the whole breastfeeding rights movement." Um, no. You do plenty of work to discredit the whole "breastfeeding rights" movement when you judge other mothers and shame them. I get that you don't want women to feel like they need to cover. I don't want women to feel like they need to cover. However, there are women out there who feel the need to cover in order to breastfeed in public comfortably. Do I hope they are able to feel more comfortable uncovered someday? Sure. And, if I can help them feel more confident then YAY! I will help women in any way I know how to feel more confident and comfortable in their ability to nurse in public without a cover, but I refuse to shame them. When you publicly shame women who prefer to nurse covered then you are no better than the people who come up to a mom in a mall and tell her to nurse in the bathroom. Sorry, that's how I feel. And when I say, "sorry," I mean I'm not sorry.

Unfortunately, I know quite a few women who are victims of sexual molestation, assault and rape. Several of them are mothers. All of them had emotional issues they felt the need to overcome when it came to pregnancy, giving birth and breastfeeding. In the context of breastfeeding, each of these women has had to overcome a great deal of emotional and physical discomfort. For them, the idea of nursing in public can be terrifying. We all know they are not exposing themselves, but they feel exposed due to the trauma they endured in the past. So, you want me to tell these women that they should force themselves to feel comfortable with breastfeeding without a cover? I think they've dealt with enough force against their bodies in their lives, don't you? The fact that they are breastfeeding at all is quite an accomplishment as it's well known that many sexual abuse survivors can have a lot of negative feelings about it. So, let them cover. You have to realize, it could be an issue of breastfeeding with a cover or not breastfeeding at all. What's more important to you? You don't know a woman's story and the reason behind wanting a cover. It may be deeper than you think. Let's reserve judgment.

We need a society that does not readily make women feel as if they must be hidden and covered when they are nursing in public. There is no denying that fact. However, we could already live in a society where nursing in public is accepted and encouraged and you will find that there would still be women who feel more comfortable when they are covered up. So, let's learn to be okay with their personal preferences. It's easy - say fuck you to a society that makes women feel ashamed to nurse in public, but embrace women who decide that a cover is best for them. Every single woman I know who uses a cover does not mind if other nursing moms do so uncovered. Most of them are not telling other moms that everyone needs a cover. It's usually an issue of personal choice to them. Now, I acknowledge the fact that there are covering moms who believe everyone should keep it under a blanket. I'm not okay with that. Again, it's a personal choice issue. That's great if you feel comfortable covered, however it's not comfy for me or my baby so we will not be hiding under a blanket.

I don't want women to feel like they have to breastfeed under a cover, either. I get that part. But, I don't think it's right to put pressure on women to uncover if they are not comfortable because, apparently, an entire movement rests on their backs. No. You nurse uncovered. I nurse uncovered. There are many of us who have no problems sitting down or standing wherever we are and nursing without a cover. Keep doing it. Keep showing society that it's normal and beautiful and not shameful. Eventually, things will fall into place and the act of breastfeeding in public will be seen for what it is - feeding your baby. We will see a day where the majority of women are comfy nursing in public without throwing anything over their children's heads. There will still be women who will prefer a cover and that is absolutely acceptable.

Let me leave you with a short story. I was in a store and my baby needed to eat. I found a set of benches to sit on while nursing. There was already another mom nursing there. She was using one of those covers. Did I look at her and say, "Great. You just set the women's movement back by decades because you are using that cover?" (BTW - that is an actual argument I read in one of the debate threads) Nope. I sat down on a bench next to her and nursed my baby. After about two minutes, she let her cover slide off and she continued nursing her baby without it. I never said anything to her. She never said anything to me. We smiled at each other once and that was it. Perhaps my confidence rubbed off on her. I hope so.

Be an example, not a judge.

The Knowledge Within

Copyright JSH 2010

 I want to share a conversation I recently had with an acquaintance and her friend. We'll call them Josie and Charlotte. Those names are pretty. This is an actual online conversation and is used with permission. I just copy and pasted and changed names. Grammatical errors are, hopefully, not mine.

Josie - Women have a hard time getting pregnant because you bleed the egg out. It's hard to catch it.
Funky - Bleed it out?
Josie - Yeah, the egg comes out when ur having ur period.
Funky - That's not how it works. You release the egg when you ovulate. That's before your period starts.
Charlotte - funky is right because ovulation tells your body it's time to start your period. the egg comes out and you get your period the next day.
Josie - Not quite. You ovulate while ur having ur period. The bleeding is what gets the egg out.
Funky - Wait. Do you guys know when you ovulate?
Josie - With ur period. And thats why they tell you u can still get pregnant even on ur period.
Funky - Umm...nooooo. You ovulate somewhere around the middle of your cycle...between periods.
Charlotte - i think i do the day b4 my period bc i get cramping on one side. not in the middle.
Josie - You don't get pregnant in between ur periods. What's the point?
Funky - This is why we have so many unplanned pregnancies. Ladies, I'm begging you to check out a few websites or read, Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I'll send you links. You'll thank me.

  That's not the first time I've had conversations like that. I have found that many women do not understand their cycles at all. The menstrual cycle is a pretty big deal. In general, we bleed once a month. Our bodies are devoting time to the waxing and waning of fertility every single month. We bleed. We get discharge. We don't get discharge. Our boobs hurt. Our bellies bloat. Our heads ache. We get moody. Our skin breaks out. We get super horny. We get super not-so-horny. You would think with having such a big deal process happen in our bodies that we would be more in tune with them. I don't mean to imply that you need to be a midwife or a doctor and know every intricate detail of every hormone and when it surges and when it declines. But, many women I talk to lack a basic understand of how and when ovulation happens and what causes menstruation and how all of it relates to getting pregnant or avoiding pregnancy. I know plenty of women who don't know how long their cycles are, who don't know when their last period was or when to expect the next one. I'm not putting women down at all. I don't want you to think that I'm calling anyone stupid if she doesn't understand how her body works. That's not what I'm saying. In fact, I think women have been forced to become out of touch with their bodies. We're meant to be in touch with our bodies, but we've lost that connection over the last century.

 Think about it. In my experience talking to other women, we seem to know about the bodies of celebrities more than we know about our own. We spend more time studying whether or not Kim Kardashian or the celebrity du jour has a baby bump, fake boobs or a flabby ass than we do learning about our own bodies. Many women can adequately name what cosmetic surgery procedure each Real Housewife has had, but they cannot adequately name the parts of their own reproductive system. They can tell the difference between each Kardashian sister, but they don't know the difference between a vulva and a vagina.

  From a young age girls are taught to be ashamed of all that makes them a woman. Let's hope you don't end up flat-chested. Guys won't want you. Let's hope you don't end up with big boobs. People will think you're a slut. Tone that belly. Firm your thighs and your ass. Don't let anything jiggle. No softness to your curves allowed. Don't say the word vagina or vulva. Those are dirty words. And by the way, you've been cursed. Mother Nature hates you. God hates you. For whatever reason, the person in control of creating humans hated women sooooooooooooo much that he or she makes us bleed once a month. Oh, it's horrible. The blood. The cramps. The zits. The tears. The constant craving for chocolate-covered potato chips. Why, it's enough to drive you crazy. Oh yes, you're a crazy bitch when you have your period. You and your PMS. Now, go shove a wad of highly processed and bleached cotton up your vagina, pop a few meds and be sure to tell other women how much you hate your body during this time of the month. Spread the word. And make sure you tell men they're stupid because they don't have periods.

 Yuck. Is it any wonder? We have had millenia of negative viewpoints on our bodies and our cycles. A certain book tells us that we bleed once a month because Eve sinned. All womankind carries her curse. Our menstrual cycle and our pain in childbirth is there to remind us that it was a woman who tempted man and got our asses kicked out of paradise. That's a lot to saddle on a young girl. The same book said we were dirty when we bled so we must be separated during and purified after menstruation. Even people who touch us while we menstruate are "unclean." A woman's body was and still is something to be fear. It contains the curse of menstruation. It's curves and it's beauty are tempting and can cause others to sin. Cultures and religions where women were worshiped and their menstrual cycle was seen as a mirror to the cycle of the planet have been stomped out for thousands of years. We have spent centuries telling women to be ashamed of what is so natural in them. Yet, women in the past centuries were likely to be better connected to their cycles. They would have been more in tune with the natural flow and changes of energy during different points of that cycle. They would have known how their rhythm was tied to the Moon. Where did we go wrong?

 Despite the shaming of our bodies, women's issues were left to women. Mothers instructed daughters about their periods and fertility. Sisters shared secrets about their budding breasts and newly curved hips. Women attended women in childbirth. New mothers learned to breastfeed from her mothers, sisters and other women around them. A woman would walk into a church and see images of Jesus being suckled at His mother's breast and not blink an eye. While the function of a woman's body was the devil's work, the look was celebrated in art. That changed centuries ago. Religious reformation once again reminded us that we are dirty. Nudes in art needed to be covered up. Women's bodies needed to be ... managed. As our race made scientific advancements at a quick rate, men became more involved in the affairs of the uterus. The childbirth bed was no longer surrounded by other women. It became one more thing to be dominated by men. Women were no longer trusted to care for their own bodies. They needed science and the management of doctors. Men who knew better. We began to lose touch with ourselves.

  Fast forward to the last 100 years. Conquering our femininity, rather than embracing it, has been the gold standard. It's best to be disconnected from your body. Your period? Don't talk about it, unless it's to tell other women it's disgusting and torturous. Pregnant? Better hope you don't get too fat, too stretch-marked and you better lose that baby weight ASAP. Giving birth? You won't be able to do it. It's too painful and you are too weak. You don't know anything about your own body, so let a doctor tell you what to do. I had a horrible birth so you will, too. Breastfeeding? Well, you will most likely fail. Who wants to have a kid stuck to their tit all day anyway? Well, if you're going to do it make sure you cover up and sit in a bathroom or something because no one wants to see that.  It's in the media. I cannot tell you how much I HATE the tampon commercials that depict Mother Nature as some bitch who is out to get you and ruin your day with your period. Everything around us tells us to be ashamed and annoyed with our bodies. Oh, it's no longer because we're being oppressed by the man. No, now it's done in the name of being a feminist. Conquer all that makes you a woman. Hate it. Despise it. You'll be better off for it. It's not the men holding us down anymore. It was centuries ago, but now women are doing a disservice to other women. We are judging one another. We are tearing each other down rather than empowering one another. We are hating ourselves. No wonder we are so lost in our own bodies.

 How many books are out there devoted solely to helping women achieve orgasm? A LOT. Do we ever stop and think that it's a bit messed up? That's a very primal and basic function, but we've been taught to be so ashamed of ourselves that we don't even remember how to make ourselves feel good.

  Knowing your cycle and knowing your body isn't gross. It isn't vain or sinful to look at yourself naked and smile at your curves or lack of curves. There is nothing wrong with knowing what your body feels like. Your period isn't gross. Trust me, I get that it comes at inconvenient times and that cramps suck. I'm not denying that. I don't throw a period party every time it shows up, but I don't hate it, either. However, I can't stand it when people learn that I use a menstrual cup instead of the standard pads they recoil in horror as if I told them I just ate a sandwich made of dead puppy and kitten testicles. It's not just dealing with blood that grosses them out, it's having to touch yourself. A menstrual cup means you are likely going to have to make contact with both your vulva and your vagina - more so than if you were using a tampon with an applicator. I've listened to many women who are repulsed by the idea of having to actually touch their "down there bits" (remember, the parts are so shameful that we can't even name them properly). To me, letting companies make products that are chock full of bleach, dioxin, plastic, petroleum and that unknown blue gel to keep so close or inside our bodies is what's disgusting. Having more than 1 billion feminine hygiene products end up in landfills each year is what's truly gross. Spending a few seconds inserting a menstrual cup into my vagina is preferable to the bodily and environmental damage caused  by "mainstream" menstrual products.

 We are doing a serviced to our girls by giving them a sterilized and watered-down version of the cycles of their bodies. It's perfectly acceptable and common to just throw and pamphlet or two at them along with a copy of Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret and hope that they don't actually come to you with questions and want to start a dialog about their bodily functions. We're living in a country, a world, where it's deemed unacceptable to teach young women about fertility awareness. I'm sorry if I offend some, but I think it's bullshit that there is a lot of legislation proposed that would ban teaching anything but abstinence in schools. There are people out there who don't want young women to learn anything about fertility awareness because they think it's going to turn them into slutty devil-worshiping heathens. I'm sorry, but that is pure bullshit. We owe it to our girls to empower them with knowledge and respect for their bodies. Keeping them in the dark about their natural cycles will not stop them from having sex and getting pregnant. In fact, they may be more likely to have sex and end up with an unintended pregnancy because they are lacking knowledge. Without that empowerment, it will be much easier for others to take advantage of them. If they don't have a strong knowledge base about their own bodies it will be much easier for them to fall for the lies of others. We are harming our daughters and our sons more by withholding this information.

 You don't need to finish reading this blog and immediately run to the bathroom to poke and prod yourself and have a self-love orgy. I won't blame you if you do - I have that effect on people. However, I strongly encourage you to learn about your body. Get to know what makes it work. Give it a little nudge. It's not dirty and it's not shameful. You are the result of millions of years of evolution that precisely picked out which part goes where and how it works in conjunction with other parts, if you believe in that. Or, you are the result of a Divine hand that worked to create the perfection that is you. Any way you slice it, whatever you believe, it's all completely beautiful and sacred. Do your daughters and your sons a favor and teach them how their bodies work. Teach them how the bodies of the opposite sex work. This knowledge will only empower them and make them better able to advocate for themselves. Give them the gift of respect for their bodies. Give yourself that gift, too.

I Don't Want to See Your Biebs in Public

People, I am offended. I am so, so offended. There is something out there that I see every single day when I am in the mall, the grocery store, the bank, the YMCA, my son's school and even Church! It's something that bothers me and could potentially harm the psyches of my children and yours. It definitely shouldn't be seen in public.

I was originally going to post a picture of this offensive subject, but I thought better of it. You and your children will thank me later. Deep breath. I'm trying to think of how to word this so it won't offend others. Here we go.

It's Justin Bieber.

Oh dear! I see him all the time, wherever I go. His pouting face, half-hidden under a hoodie, is painted across many t-shirts.

Listen. I understand that you like Justin Bieber and he makes you happy. I know that Justin Bieber is what's best for you. But, do you have to flaunt him in my face with your t-shirts? Not everyone likes Justin Bieber. That doesn't mean we have a problem with him, but he just isn't for us. Personally, I tried Justin Bieber, but I found I couldn't like him. My ears and my brain were unable to enjoy his vocalizations. So, I had to switch back to David Bowie, because that was all I could take. But, it's hard to find David Bowie t-shirts. Don't you think I might feel bad because you're flaunting your Justin Bieber t-shirt in public? That's pretty insensitive of you.

Furthermore, what about when I'm out with my children? We're walking along and BAM! there you are with your Justin Bieber t-shirt flappin' in the breeze. We don't need to see that while we're walking down the aisle in Target buying band-aids or Annie's Bunny Snacks. So what am I supposed to do? How am supposed to explain to my children what Justin Bieber is? Because they see your shirt, I have to have a conversation with my children about Justin Bieber and how some people like him. That's not right. I have a very curious 5 year old and now I'll have to sit down with him and explain Justin Bieber. What's worse, he might go home and ask to listen to Justin Bieber. Even worse, he might tell the other students in his Kindergarten class about the Justin Bieber shirt he saw you wearing in public. Then I'll have to deal with phone calls from his teacher, the principal and angry parents. Please, have some respect for the children. The CHILDREN!

Once again, no one is denying your right to listen to Justin Bieber and to wear a t-shirt with his pouting face on it. It's just that it may not be best to wear that shirt in public. Think of your own safety. There are a lot of 12 and 13 year old girls out there who might look at your shirt and start having fantasies. They may even come up to you and ask you where you bought it. Doesn't that make you uncomfortable? Sick!

And, please, don't wear your Justin Bieber t-shirt in Church. Listen, I completely understand that God created Justin Bieber for a purpose. I get that. But that doesn't mean you can just whip off your jacket and go flashing your Justin Bieber shirt in His sanctuary. Modesty is key.

Maybe you can cover up your Justin Bieber t-shirt. That way you can still wear your shirt, but the rest of the public won't have to see it. That's pretty respectful. In fact, they make lots of really nice cardigans that you can wear over your Justin Bieber t-shirt. Or - get this! - you can get a purple hoodie to wear over your shirt! Justin Bieber LOVES purple hoodies. See? Compromise. If you really feel the need to look at your Justin Bieber then perhaps you can find a dressing room or a restroom stall where you can sit down, open your cardigan (or purple hoodie!)and look at yourself in the mirror. You'll still have your Justin Bieber t-shirt. You just won't be offending the general public. You can also go out to your car and wear your shirt openly in there (as long as your not parked next to my mini-van full of children) and even listen to one of his CDs (windows up, please). Maybe you can just stay home and wear your Justin Bieber shirt there. No need to cover up in your own home and you'll probably be more comfortable there because you can wear your Justin Bieber pajama bottoms, too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you know that I don't mean any harm towards Justin Bieber t-shirts. I just don't want to see them in public.