Breastfeeding: This is WAR. Or Is It?

 

Copyright 2014. Don't steal it. I'll cut you.

It's no secret that I'm a vocal supporter of breastfeeding. If someone wants to make a nasty comment about breastfeeding mothers or threaten those who nurse in public, I'm right there debating them. I have blogged about breastfeeding many times. I have discussed the issue of breastfeeding on my Facebook page constantly. I'm outspoken, supportive, and willing to educate.

But not everyone is comfortable being outspoken. Not everyone wants to post 100 memes in support of breastfeeding each day. There are many mothers who nurse in public who have zero desire to attend a nurse in. There are plenty of breastfeeders who don't want to write about it, talk about it at length, wear lactivist t-shirts, or put pro-breastfeeding bumper stickers on their car. Are they any less valuable? Is their input worthless?

There are some out there who would actually say, "yes." If you've been around long enough, you may have noticed that. There are folks out there who believe if you are not promoting and attending nurse-ins, passing around every fired up pro-breastfeeding blog post, creating and sharing memes, and wearing a pre-shrunk, nursing accessible, 100% organic cotton t-shirt declaring your lactivism, you are not doing enough. They believe we must all be in the face of opposition, beating our chests and chanting. It's as if we must always have the mindset that we are at war. Arm your tits and roar!!!

There's no doubt that the chest beating and chanting is effective. I'm one of those people, for the most part. I do not, however, blindly follow the crowd. I do not support every single nurse-in just because. I question if it's needed. Did the company show remorse? Did they show they are willing to accomodate breastfeeding mothers without harrassment? Yes? No need for a nurse-in. If you decide to do one anyway, I will not lend my support. I will not speak against it, but I will not promote it, either. That point alone caused someone to tell me that I set the entire Civil Rights Movement back. Yeah, little old me. Who knew I had so much power? I completely changed the course of history - Quantum Leap style - because I refused to promote a particular nurse-in (Applebees). That sort of hyperbole gets us nowhere. And guess what? I think comparing the plight of American mothers who nurse in public to those who marched for Civil Rights in the 1960's is pure bunk. Yeah, I said it. I wholeheartedly believe that we need to keep educating people, supporting one another, and making sure we don't get harrassed for nursing in public. I do not, however, equate our movement with the Civil Rights Movement. I have seen comparisons of mothers who nurse in public with African Americans who marched in the 1960's. While I appreciate the general sentiment, the idea doesn't sit well with me. Last I checked, none of us have been hosed down in the street, set on fire, bombed out of our churches, or murdered. No one has set a burning Hygeia pump on fire on my lawn. While I vocally and loudly support the right of a mother to nurse her baby in public, covered or uncovered, and I think it's insane that we even have to argue it in America in 2014, I do not for one moment equate myself with Rosa Parks. Does that opinion ruffle some feathers? It sure does. That's fine. Disagree with me if you must. However, don't even pretend that my opinion sets breastfeeding back or that I'm not doing anything to support breastfeeding mothers and their families because that just makes you a foolish. I was born into this. No really - my mother worked in maternity for over 30 years and was a lactation consultant. I grew up around this and have been actively supporting breastfeeding mothers and their babies since I was in high school (my first foray into breastfeeding counselling was with teen moms at my school). It would take me a long time to list all the ways I have helped families and list all the names of the mothers who had my help with breastfeeding, so there is no room to say I don't do anything for the cause. I have also breastfeed my own children...and in public.

Do you have to be overtly vocal to support breastfeeding? No. The mother who breastfeeds is doing a lot to support breastfeeding. The mother who quietly leaves the Enfamil bag filled with samples behind in her hospital room when she checks out post birth is making a statement. The person who sends a link to KellyMom or La Leche League to a pregnant friend is making a statement. The mother who quietly sits on a bench in a public location and nurses here baby publicly, covered or uncovered, is making a statement. The mother who sits in her living room after the kids have gone to bed, sipping her iced coffee and watching Real Housewives, while stuffing envelopes for her local chapter of La Leche League is making a statement. The dad who holds his wife's purse while she walks around the grocery store, nursing babe in a Moby, is making a statement. The waitress who see a mother nursing her toddler in the corner booth of the diner and asks her if she'd like a glass of water is making a statement. None of these things are overtly vocal. None of them make it onto a bloody battleground. But these folks are just as important as those who are a lot louder. Though their voices are quieter, their message is still as strong.

Moving forward will always require those who are willing stand in the spotlight and those who are holding the spotlight. It requires cooperation between the people who want to speak firmly and those who quietly nod in agreement from behind their computer screen. It's not a battle over who is more oppressed or who fights harder. If those who are beating their chest are unwilling to see the value in those who are quietly supportive, then they have already lost ground. You don't need to write 1,000 blog posts screaming that you'll never ever cover your baby and that you'll cut a bitch for suggesting it or attend a dozen nurse ins. Nurse your baby if you can. Support other families who breastfeed. You'll make a difference.
 

Nursing in Public: It doesn't Always Make the News

In our little online world, we often hear about nursing in public in two ways: 1.) How to do it without a wardrobe malfunction and 2.) stories of harassment for doing it. There's plenty to say about nursing bras, nursing tops, altering your wardrobe so you don't have to buy specialty stuff. And there is more than plenty to say about women being harassed in public. It happens nearly everyday. It can be a small moment where a passerby makes a rude remark and keeps on walking. It can be the ignorant comments often found on blogs and articles about breastfeeding - "I totally support nursing, but women need to be discreet about it." It could be something much bigger, such as an actual business telling a mother that she is not allowed to breastfeed in public within their walls. You literally cannot throw a nursing pad without hitting a story about a mother who has been harassed in some way shape or form. I have addressed the issue of the rights of mothers to nurse their babies in public without harassment several times myself.

However, there is something we hear about far less - something that doesn't get a lot of attention. Happy experiences. Yeah yeah, some times a blogger, myself included, will ask women to share their happy nursing in public experiences on their page. It does happen, but not as often as I would like.

I just want to simply tell mothers that many women have nursed in public without a single dirty look or rude comment. It's not always a horror fest of ignorant comments. You are not always on the defensive. I am one of those mothers. I nursed my son for 3 years. I nursed him in public whenever he had the need. I have been nursing my daughter for 18 months now and she shows no signs of slowing down. She, too, has been nursed in public whenever the need arises. I have nearly 5 years of combined nursing in public experience and I have not had one single bad comment. I have never been asked to cover up, to move, to leave. My first time nursing in public was when my son was 4 days old. He began to scream and turn bright red with his furious hunger in the waiting room of the pediatrician's office. Being a new mom, I was a little nervous and wasn't as graceful with manipulating my clothing, my bra, my baby, his blanket. I remember trying to cover him just for a few moments as he latched on. That did not go over well. People looked at me, but more because my son was obviously screaming from hunger and not because they were shocked to see a woman nurse in public. And that was the last time I felt nervous.

I have had the opposite of negative attention. I have gotten compliments and smiles. I have had strangers walk by and say, "I miss feeding my babies," or "That is just the best thing in the world." Not too long ago, I stood in line in Toys 'r' Us and the cashier and two customers noticed me standing there nursing Squishy. The cashier smiled at her. One of the customers commented that it was just so nice to not have to carry bottles and bags and just feed whenever and wherever. The other customer and cashier agreed. And then they gushed over the infant nursing on my breast.

Those moments happen, too.

For what's it's worth, I have nursed in some of the big offenders when it comes to businesses harassing mothers. I have nursed in every aisle and department of Target. I nursed at Applebees. I have nursed at the YMCA. I'm out and about everyday and I have a long list of places where I have nursed easily without issues.

We don't see news articles proclaiming, "Mother nurses baby in public, while shopping in the shoe department of Sears. Several customers notice and smile and carry on with their shopping."  It's not because it's a rare occurrence, but it's because positivity doesn't always sell. You don't always hear about the woman in the coffee shop, who is told to please make herself comfortable while they get her order and they'll bring her coffee to her while she is nursing. You don't always hear about the waiter who brings an extra glass of water for the mom nursing at one of his tables because he has heard that nursing moms need to drink more. We don't always notice the nice old ladies with blue hair who walk by with a smile and a happy sigh while your nursing your baby and pushing your shopping cart at the grocery store. The grocery clerk who goes out of his way to help you carry your bags out to the car so you can keep nursing without carrying extra stuff never makes the headlines. These people exist.

There is no denying that we still have work to do when it comes to educating the public about breastfeeding and help others to understand that nursing in public is a right and there is nothing wrong with it. We're working on it. Change for the better will happen.

I just wanted to take this small moment to reassure new mamas who may be scared of nursing in public because they hear all of these stories about harassment. You don't have to go out there expecting that you'll need to defend yourself for feeding your baby everyday. I want you to know that there are so many times when it goes perfectly and the only attention you get is a smile or a mother of grown children reminiscing of when she nursed her babes on a bench at the mall. Remember, you are taking a stand even when you quietly nurse your baby at a table in the food court. Even if you don't get a smile or a comment, someone will notice. And that someone might be a mom-to-be who saw how comfortably you sat there while feeding your baby. She'll think to herself, "I can do that, too." There may be a young man who sees you and learns that boobs have several functions and it's fine for a woman to use them to feed her baby in public. You may get noticed by a younger girl, years away from having her own children, who doesn't even realize that she was exposed to a normal way of feeding babies. You made it look normal and natural and, while she may not realize it at the time, a little seed will be planted somewhere in the back of her brain, quietly waiting until the day she blooms with new life and realizes, "hey, I can do that, too." So rock on with your publicly nursing self!

Holy Mother of God

By Peter Paul Rubens

So, I went to church the other day. I sat there....oh no, wait, I forgot that I'm Catholic...I kneeled there, praying. I was praying that God would make me all super holy and more Christian than others so that I can feel righteous in judging some awfully gnarly things in this world, like the anatomical features of my own womanly body that He created. I hadn't noticed much when I walked into the church because I was too busy feeling the Spirit, but after some  prayer, I opened my eyes and looked around. I noticed the most vile and crude things. There were paintings....painting that showed a woman's breasts! In church! Where Jesus lives! Oh my God, this woman who apparently has an affinity for blue robes modeled for a bunch of paintings showing her indecently breastfeeding an infant - and sometimes a grown toddler! Fucking hell, even one of the paintings showed this rather old-looking naked baby just clinging on to her exposed breast, nipple and all, while He looked outward, smiling. This woman, this floozy, obviously thinks she's all that because in some pictures she is wearing a fancy crown and she always has a halo. Oh, heavenly. And just to prove how immoral she is, she is almost always flanked by flying babies, who are also naked and flaunting their wings and penises. Oh my God. Who does she think she is, just sitting there in her regal robes acting like she is the Mother of God while forcing our young, impressionable children to look at her breasts? Have mercy! I started having heart palpitations, so I had to look elsewhere and I focused my attention on the Crucifix hanging from the ceiling. I focused on the bruised, beaten, pierced body of Our Lord and all the blood that trickled down from His wounds and I prayed that I never have to see anything as offensive as a painting of some woman breastfeeding in public again. I then looked at one of my favorite statues in the church - it depicts Jesus, wearing nothing but His underwear, tied to a post, being whipped, His back a bloody mess as He received the cruel punishment for being the Son of God. I focused on those bloody gashes on His back again and prayed that the children will not ever have to view the vile images seen in those paintings of the breastfeeding woman. Then I took out my rosary and prayed to Mary, the Mother of God for a little bit, though I was still distracted by the flaunting woman in those paintings. I think I may write a letter to the Pope, asking him to have all such images removed from Churches so our children do not have their innocence stolen from them. First, I'm going to follow the Stations of the Cross around the Church and focus on the depictions of Jesus dragging that cross across town, His body full of bruises and blood until He finally had nails driven into his wrists and feet...I think they need to take those paintings down and replace them with a nice, moral Saint. Saint Agatha comes to mind. I've seen paintings of her holding a plate with some sort of jell-o molds or something. Kids love jell-o.

St. Agatha

Seriously, people think like that. Recently, someone had an image of a Renaissance (or high medieval, I forget) painting of the Virgin nursing baby Jesus removed from her page for indecency. In Facebook's never-ending witch hunt for breastfeeding images, despite their claims of allowing such images, they even managed to insult God and His mom! Asinine! I then saw a lot of debates on Facebook in the last few weeks about the appropriateness of churches housing paintings of the Virgin Mary breastfeeding the wee little Jesus. I guess I didn't get the memo that we'd be returning to the Protestant Reformation, when great works of art were defiled in order to cover up any saucy bits of flesh exposed on the subjects. There are actual discussions as to whether it's okay for people to see Jesus and His mom doing what many babies and moms actually do. I have to say it's not surprising given the fact that this country has a problem with respecting the rights of mothers to nurse their babies in public. It's been a long battle since we decided that breasts were no longer for nurturing the babies and were now only to be used as objects of sexual lust. So, yeah, I'm used to it....but, Jesus' mom? Are we really going to ask God's mum to wear a Holy Hooter Hider (comes in a lovely pastel blue with a virginal white lily print or you can get a custom designed one from Etsy with the Vatican logo embroidered on it)? Let me frank - Jesus was breastfed. I know there are some Christian traditions which are all about telling women that they are the embodiment of sin because they are women and that their bodies are shameful, but that crap doesn't fly with me. Why would God have a problem with the body that He created? He designed boobs all by Himself. He knows they can serve more than one function - nourishment, a nice place to lay one's head, a good place to hide small toys or, for the adults, a little something nice to look at. Obviously, God didn't have a problem with boobies or any other part of the womanly body because He saw fit to send his Kid to reside in a human womb, shoot out of a human vagina and nurse at human breasts. Get the hell over it already! The body isn't sinful! The sin is in shaming our bodies so much that we don't even remember what's normal about their functions anymore.

The Holy Family By Joos Van Cleve - is she mom enough?

It especially pisses me off because these are typically debates held about images seen in Catholic churches...by non-Catholic people. Dude, this art is our tradition and it's sacred. Respect that. Why are the breastfeeding pictures so hotly debated? Have you seen the imagery of Jesus on the day He died? It ain't pretty. In fact, you are more likely to walk into a Catholic church and see a variety of images of Jesus getting the crap kicked out of Him and, of course, nailed to the Cross. There's usually blood. There is no uproar over the Pieta, an image of the Virgin Mary holding her adult son, Jesus, dead and slumped over in her lap, yet we whine about an image of the same pair, only 30 years before that when Jesus was a baby at His mother's breast. Really? Where is the uproar over images of St. Agatha? She was martyred for her faith and they cut off her breasts. She is most often depicted in two ways - either in the moment of torture as they cut her breasts from her body or in her more Saintly form (fully clothed and, you know, alive) holding a plate with her own two breasts on it. Oh, but St. Agatha art gets a pass because her breasts are being removed, they are not nursing an infant. Art depicting violence towards a woman's breasts is ok. Art depicting the natural function of breasts is sinful and shameful. The hypocrisy is astounding.

Michelangelo's Pieta at St. Peter's Basilica

I guess people are getting weary over the whole breastfeeding in public argument because they keep getting beaten down by logic and reason. So, they do the natural thing when you cannot reasonably argue and discriminate against something - hide behind religion. Eyeroll. It's not going to work folks. You can stop harassing moms in malls when they feed their children. You can also lay off the Mother of God. There are other problems in the world and the sight of a mother nursing her child is not one of them. It's time to move on. Your religion doesn't give you the right to harass and judge any mother for nursing in public, whether she is the Mother of God or a mom sitting behind you in your church pew. Nothing divine or earthly gives you that right.


"Gather the people, consecrate the assembly; bring together the elders, gather the children, those nursing at the breast." - Joel 2:16

...."God bless your mother--the womb from which you came, and the breasts that nursed you!" - Luke 11:27


P.S. - a little fun trivia - an important component of Medieval and early Renaissance artwork was to communicate with worshippers back when the more common folk couldn't read. Paintings were loaded with symbolism that most people would have been able to understand. Baby Jesus nursing was a major symbol of His humanity. That's also why He was depicted nude. Let's have fun with the Van Cleve painting up there, just for a moment. Nude baby nursing = Jesus as a human. Knife = circumcision (booo) of Jesus. Old dude = it was commonly believed that Joseph was a really old guy when he married Mary. Mary's blue and white duds = her virginity, purity and motherhood. Mary's red duds = Passion of Christ and His blood that washes away all sins. Citrus fruits = weaning. It was believed Jesus was weaned onto citrus fruit. Enclosed window with garden/pastoral scene in the background = Mary's purity. Joesph is often seen at that window as a symbol of his protection of her purity. I think there is a sheep in the pastoral scene behind Joseph and that = Jesus as Lamb of God. There is a glass of wine which = Christ's blood and passion. There is a reflection of light in the shape of the cross in the glass. I'm not sure what St. Joe is reading here, but he is often depicted reading The Magnificat. Isn't that cool? The medieval paintings are treasure troves of symbolism.

Nursing in Public: Horror of Horrors? Maybe Not

Nursing in Public with my breast friend. Copyright 2007 JSH

Ah yes, the image of a mother sitting on a bench at the mall, sandwiched between Hollister and a free-standing kiosk where some creepy dude asks if he can see your nails. Scores of teenagers walk by, clad in high top sneakers and neon short shorts (wait, did I just write that in 2012? Did we time warp back to 1987?), eyes and fingers glued to iPhones. Sure, we could get offended that a 13 year old girl just walked out of Hollister wearing a tank top that shows her ample perky cleavage, with the back of the top made out of see through lace and a pair of shorts that are so short that you can see her buttocks clinging to her thighs for dear life as they fear they may fall to the ground without any support. Across the way, Victoria's Secret's music is thumping and you can see four posters up on the windows showing underweight models with breasts the size of GMO watermelons pouring out of bras that promise to lift, define and change your whole fucking life. One of the models has her body twisted in a pose that not only shows her heaving bosom, but also reveals her airbrushed taut ass being barely covered in a lacy thong. All of that is fine. We're not going to call a security guard because some 13 year old girl is barely covered in her clothing or because there are posters showing mostly naked women seductively staring at you from behind the bra shop window. We don't care that Hot Topic is blasting some song about someone wanting to fuck someone else. No, we care that the mother sitting on the bench is committing such a terrible sin - nursing in public. That's right. She's sitting there with her baby sucking on her breasts. In public. I mean, you can't even see her boob because she has one some sort of clothing that prevents that, but you know what she's doing. If you get close enough to scold the mother for her indecency, you may even hear the baby making swallowing noises as he eats. Isn't that terrible? Of course, you don't want to get too close or you and your children might just see a nipple. Did you know there is an epidemic of people dying because they see nipples? I didn't, either.

Puh-fucking-lease. If this is you, the person who gets oh so offended over seeing a mother nurse her child in the mall or any public place, please do the world a favor, get on the right side of history, and get over yourself. I have zero tolerance for individuals who call security guards and cops on women who are feeding their children. It's 2012. We all know by now that nursing is normal. We all know that people don't die when they see nipples. For fuck's sake, Mark Wahlberg's three nipples hung above Times Square forever and no one died. Why is a nipple that feeds a child any different? Obviously, a nip slip while a mother is nursing is actually quite rare and the most anyone will see is the top of her breast, maybe some side boob or underboob. Sorry, none of that is offensive. You see more titty on teenage girls. You see more titty on grown men. Don't like it? Don't look. For god's sake, use your neck and turn your head. Blink. Look elsewhere. Babies eat from boobs. It's not about you. It's not about someone trying to offend you. It's about feeding babies. Get over it.

Really - you feel the need to take a cop off the street, from protecting the public from real crimes like rape, burglary and murder just to tattle on some woman who is breastfeeding in public? Damn, better pay me a few bucks, because you just wasted my tax dollars for that frivolous cop call.  Sitting at home on your Facebook, playing Farmville and flagging other Facebook members for posting nursing photos or videos? Life called, it wants you to get in on it.

Before you call the cops or before you report some Facebook photo, take a moment to get on your knees and pray. Pray to God, Jehovah, Jim, Flying Spaghetti Monster or Gene Roddenberry - I don't care. Just pray and say thank you. Thank your God that your life is so darned fucking perfect that the only thing you can find wrong with it is that some mother dared to breastfeed somewhere within your optical field. It must be really nice to live in such harmony where a mother who feeds her child in the most normal way is the only damn thing you can find wrong in this world.

I am not here to condemn you, despite my obvious hostility in this post. I am here to help you. You seem to lack a broader world view and that can lead all sorts of narrow-minded shenanigans, such as soliciting law enforcement to make a baby stop breastfeeding at Applebees. I want to assist you in finding other  things wrong with the world. You seem to want to help make this world a better place. You seem to have a need to be mad at something. By now, you must realize that shaking your fist at nursing in public isn't the answer. So, where can you turn that self-righteous indignation? Let me show you the way. Here are some real problems that should make you want to take action.

1 in 7 Americans lives below the poverty line, with more than half of our citizens experiencing true poverty by the age of 65. 1 out of every five children lives in poverty. The same amount of children, 1 in 5, goes day to day wondering when or where there next meal will come. 48 million Americans - 16 million of those are children - struggle to feed their families each day. Get pissed about hunger.

In America, a person is raped every 2 minutes.  How many people have been raped since I started writing this ten minutes ago? 1 in 10 men have been raped. American women are 10 times as likely to be raped than to die in an automobile collision. 1 out of 7 college women has been a victim of rape, yet 90% of them never report it. In fact, of all the rapes in this country, over half do not go reported. 1 in 15 rape victims will become infected with a sexually transmitted disease. Only 3% of rapists actually go to jail. Get pissed about rape.

Everyday - every mother fucking day - more than five children in this country will die of child abuse. When you go to bed tonight, don't think of the nursing mother at the mall, think of the 5 children who were alive 24 hours ago but died at someone else's hands. 80% of those children who died were under 4 years of age. Of the children who survive the abuse, 30% will grow up and will abuse their own children. There is a report of child abuse filed every 10 seconds in America. I couldn't even write this paragraph without breaking down. Get pissed about child abuse.

Over 42 million Americans have been sexually abused as children. 500,000 of the children born this year will experience sexual abuse as children. 1 in 4 girls will be sexually abused. 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused. I want to vomit. Get pissed about child sexual abuse.

Count to 9. Are you done? In those 9 seconds, a woman was beaten. When you go to bed at night and you think of the 5 children who died as a result of abuse today, please add on the 3 women who die each day at the hands of a husband or boyfriend and the one man who dies each day at the hands of a girlfriend or wife. 10 million children witness domestic violence in their homes each year - half of those kids will grow up to become abusers and continue the cycle.  6 million men are victims of domestic violence. Get pissed off about domestic violence.

That's just a sample of things in this country that are truly wrong. If you're reasonable, you'll see that these things are worth way more of your energy than worrying about a mother nursing her child somewhere public. Focus your energy into solving these problems and not harassing some random breastfeeder at Denny's. Good? Good.

Statistic Sources:

http://www.dvrc-or.org/domestic/violence/resources/C61/
http://domesticviolencestatistics.org/domestic-violence-statistics/
http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6143427/k.38C5/Child_Sexual_Abuse_Statistics.htm
http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics
http://www.oneinfourusa.org/statistics.php
http://www.rainn.org/statistics
http://www.crisisconnectioninc.org/sexualassault/rapestatistics.htm
http://www.bread.org/hunger/us/facts.html

How you Can Help:
Bread For the World - Hunger
The Hunger Site - Hunger and Poverty
RAINN - Rape, Abuse, Incest
Darkness To Light - Child Sexual Abuse
American Humane Association - Child Abuse
Every child Matters - Child Abuse
National Network to End Domestic Violence  - Domestic Violence

Cover the Debate

Copyright JSH 2007

Nursing in public. It is a hotly debated subject. There are those who believe you shouldn't do it. There are those who believe you should do it. There are opinions that fall in line somewhere between those two extremes. I have my own feelings on breastfeeding in public. I'm all for it. No woman should ever feel ashamed to feed her baby on demand wherever she happens to be. At the mall, at Church, at a soccer game, in Chuck E. Cheese, on a plane...feed that baby when that baby is hungry. Personally, people would be sorry if they came up to me and got rude with me when I was nursing in public. I don't take shit and would hope that other moms wouldn't take shit, either. However, not everyone has my type of personality. Many women are self conscious and have difficulty nursing in public for various reasons. Enter another debate - the cover.

Oh, holy Lord, the fucking breastfeeding cover. We aren't going to talk about the general public attitude toward breastfeeding in public. No, we're going to talk about something that sparks a shitstorm of debate among breastfeeding advocates. The nursing cover is a much debated subject among the lactivist set. Anytime a blogger asks the question, "Breastfeeding cover? Yay or nay?" on their Facebook page you can expect a firestorm of opinion. We're not debating the color of the covers. We're not debating the material of the covers. We're not debating who sells the best cover at the lowest price. Nope. We're debating whether or not breastfeeding mothers should ever ever use them. And it can get nasty. We eat our own kind in these debates. To an onlooker, these debates give the anti-breastfeeding set fuel for their fire and justification for using that horrible word about us - Nazis. 

I will tell you what I think of covers. I'm not fond of them. I don't think they are discreet because nothing screams, "I'M BREASTFEEDING OVER HERE!" like a big lime green cover with super hot pink flowers printed on it draped over your shoulders and a pair of baby feet sticking out. I have often joked that if I ever get a nursing cover, I want one that says, "Discreetly breastfeeding." I think they can be hot to the baby. There is the risk of rebreathing stale air. I don't like women to feel like they have to use them. I tried to cover with a blanket twice when my son was a newbie. On both occasions it lasted all of 20 seconds. He hated it and I am super clumsy so I ended up getting myself all tangled in the blanket and that is probably the only time in my public breastfeeding career that I did flash a nipple. So, do you think I am sitting next to covered women telling them they need to pull that Hooter Hider off? Hell to the no.

I have been sickened to read other women tell breastfeeding mothers that they are hurting all of us by covering. I have seen a lot of public shaming of mothers who cover. The following comment is real, "Those women discredit all breastfeeders. They do a lot of harm to the whole breastfeeding rights movement." Um, no. You do plenty of work to discredit the whole "breastfeeding rights" movement when you judge other mothers and shame them. I get that you don't want women to feel like they need to cover. I don't want women to feel like they need to cover. However, there are women out there who feel the need to cover in order to breastfeed in public comfortably. Do I hope they are able to feel more comfortable uncovered someday? Sure. And, if I can help them feel more confident then YAY! I will help women in any way I know how to feel more confident and comfortable in their ability to nurse in public without a cover, but I refuse to shame them. When you publicly shame women who prefer to nurse covered then you are no better than the people who come up to a mom in a mall and tell her to nurse in the bathroom. Sorry, that's how I feel. And when I say, "sorry," I mean I'm not sorry.

Unfortunately, I know quite a few women who are victims of sexual molestation, assault and rape. Several of them are mothers. All of them had emotional issues they felt the need to overcome when it came to pregnancy, giving birth and breastfeeding. In the context of breastfeeding, each of these women has had to overcome a great deal of emotional and physical discomfort. For them, the idea of nursing in public can be terrifying. We all know they are not exposing themselves, but they feel exposed due to the trauma they endured in the past. So, you want me to tell these women that they should force themselves to feel comfortable with breastfeeding without a cover? I think they've dealt with enough force against their bodies in their lives, don't you? The fact that they are breastfeeding at all is quite an accomplishment as it's well known that many sexual abuse survivors can have a lot of negative feelings about it. So, let them cover. You have to realize, it could be an issue of breastfeeding with a cover or not breastfeeding at all. What's more important to you? You don't know a woman's story and the reason behind wanting a cover. It may be deeper than you think. Let's reserve judgment.

We need a society that does not readily make women feel as if they must be hidden and covered when they are nursing in public. There is no denying that fact. However, we could already live in a society where nursing in public is accepted and encouraged and you will find that there would still be women who feel more comfortable when they are covered up. So, let's learn to be okay with their personal preferences. It's easy - say fuck you to a society that makes women feel ashamed to nurse in public, but embrace women who decide that a cover is best for them. Every single woman I know who uses a cover does not mind if other nursing moms do so uncovered. Most of them are not telling other moms that everyone needs a cover. It's usually an issue of personal choice to them. Now, I acknowledge the fact that there are covering moms who believe everyone should keep it under a blanket. I'm not okay with that. Again, it's a personal choice issue. That's great if you feel comfortable covered, however it's not comfy for me or my baby so we will not be hiding under a blanket.

I don't want women to feel like they have to breastfeed under a cover, either. I get that part. But, I don't think it's right to put pressure on women to uncover if they are not comfortable because, apparently, an entire movement rests on their backs. No. You nurse uncovered. I nurse uncovered. There are many of us who have no problems sitting down or standing wherever we are and nursing without a cover. Keep doing it. Keep showing society that it's normal and beautiful and not shameful. Eventually, things will fall into place and the act of breastfeeding in public will be seen for what it is - feeding your baby. We will see a day where the majority of women are comfy nursing in public without throwing anything over their children's heads. There will still be women who will prefer a cover and that is absolutely acceptable.

Let me leave you with a short story. I was in a store and my baby needed to eat. I found a set of benches to sit on while nursing. There was already another mom nursing there. She was using one of those covers. Did I look at her and say, "Great. You just set the women's movement back by decades because you are using that cover?" (BTW - that is an actual argument I read in one of the debate threads) Nope. I sat down on a bench next to her and nursed my baby. After about two minutes, she let her cover slide off and she continued nursing her baby without it. I never said anything to her. She never said anything to me. We smiled at each other once and that was it. Perhaps my confidence rubbed off on her. I hope so.

Be an example, not a judge.

I Don't Want to See Your Biebs in Public

People, I am offended. I am so, so offended. There is something out there that I see every single day when I am in the mall, the grocery store, the bank, the YMCA, my son's school and even Church! It's something that bothers me and could potentially harm the psyches of my children and yours. It definitely shouldn't be seen in public.

I was originally going to post a picture of this offensive subject, but I thought better of it. You and your children will thank me later. Deep breath. I'm trying to think of how to word this so it won't offend others. Here we go.

It's Justin Bieber.

Oh dear! I see him all the time, wherever I go. His pouting face, half-hidden under a hoodie, is painted across many t-shirts.

Listen. I understand that you like Justin Bieber and he makes you happy. I know that Justin Bieber is what's best for you. But, do you have to flaunt him in my face with your t-shirts? Not everyone likes Justin Bieber. That doesn't mean we have a problem with him, but he just isn't for us. Personally, I tried Justin Bieber, but I found I couldn't like him. My ears and my brain were unable to enjoy his vocalizations. So, I had to switch back to David Bowie, because that was all I could take. But, it's hard to find David Bowie t-shirts. Don't you think I might feel bad because you're flaunting your Justin Bieber t-shirt in public? That's pretty insensitive of you.

Furthermore, what about when I'm out with my children? We're walking along and BAM! there you are with your Justin Bieber t-shirt flappin' in the breeze. We don't need to see that while we're walking down the aisle in Target buying band-aids or Annie's Bunny Snacks. So what am I supposed to do? How am supposed to explain to my children what Justin Bieber is? Because they see your shirt, I have to have a conversation with my children about Justin Bieber and how some people like him. That's not right. I have a very curious 5 year old and now I'll have to sit down with him and explain Justin Bieber. What's worse, he might go home and ask to listen to Justin Bieber. Even worse, he might tell the other students in his Kindergarten class about the Justin Bieber shirt he saw you wearing in public. Then I'll have to deal with phone calls from his teacher, the principal and angry parents. Please, have some respect for the children. The CHILDREN!

Once again, no one is denying your right to listen to Justin Bieber and to wear a t-shirt with his pouting face on it. It's just that it may not be best to wear that shirt in public. Think of your own safety. There are a lot of 12 and 13 year old girls out there who might look at your shirt and start having fantasies. They may even come up to you and ask you where you bought it. Doesn't that make you uncomfortable? Sick!

And, please, don't wear your Justin Bieber t-shirt in Church. Listen, I completely understand that God created Justin Bieber for a purpose. I get that. But that doesn't mean you can just whip off your jacket and go flashing your Justin Bieber shirt in His sanctuary. Modesty is key.

Maybe you can cover up your Justin Bieber t-shirt. That way you can still wear your shirt, but the rest of the public won't have to see it. That's pretty respectful. In fact, they make lots of really nice cardigans that you can wear over your Justin Bieber t-shirt. Or - get this! - you can get a purple hoodie to wear over your shirt! Justin Bieber LOVES purple hoodies. See? Compromise. If you really feel the need to look at your Justin Bieber then perhaps you can find a dressing room or a restroom stall where you can sit down, open your cardigan (or purple hoodie!)and look at yourself in the mirror. You'll still have your Justin Bieber t-shirt. You just won't be offending the general public. You can also go out to your car and wear your shirt openly in there (as long as your not parked next to my mini-van full of children) and even listen to one of his CDs (windows up, please). Maybe you can just stay home and wear your Justin Bieber shirt there. No need to cover up in your own home and you'll probably be more comfortable there because you can wear your Justin Bieber pajama bottoms, too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you know that I don't mean any harm towards Justin Bieber t-shirts. I just don't want to see them in public.