What's Buggin' You?

Ah, Spring. She is here. And she has brought us so many beautiful things; warm weather, flowers, vegetable sprouts, adorable baby animals and bugs. Bugs? Eeek! With the warmer weather, many insects and other crawlies come out of hiding to get to work eating, making love sweet bug love and making new bug babies. An aside: I'm just referring to everything that is not a cute puppy or kitten as bugs - bees, millipedes, stinkbugs, ladybugs, butterflies, ants, you name it - as bugs. Technically, the word bug refers to a specific class of insect, but we're not going to be technical like that today. Anyway. So many bugs do a world of good for us. Bees, butterflies, moths, ants, beetles and wasps keep plants - including those that bear fruits and vegetables - alive and well by pollinating them. We need these critters. Other bugs eat other bugs. Spiders eat ants and gnats and even stinkbugs. Those terrifying house centipedes (you know, they are the ones with 6,000 legs and they look hairy and they move so stinkin' fast) actually enjoy a diet of spiders and roaches. Ants eat aphid honeydew (goo excreted by aphids). Ladybugs love to munch on aphids and mites. Some bugs are an excellent source of food for animals. What frog doesn't love a good fly salad? Certain birds dine on stinkbugs, beetles, ants, mosquitoes, etc. Bats rely on a healthy diet of mosquitoes. We all hate mosquitoes because they can spread diseases such as West Nile, heartworm and malaria, but if we annihilate mosquitoes, we will damage the bat population. It's already happening. We've got bugs that are part of the decomposition process - carpenter ants, beetles, flies and their maggot babies, etc. are charged with chewing away at things that are rotted and dead (including flesh) and cleaning up the landscape so to speak.

The point is, even though many bugs can freak us out and we consider them pests, they do serve a purpose. It can be food for other creatures, pollination, population control, decomposition, etc - they all have a job to do and there is a balance in their existence.Does this mean I expect people to just embrace all bugs, hug the nearest roach and build a nice shed in the backyard where all manner of crawlies can live? No, not really. I understand that we don't strive to get sucked on by a mosquito or have a spider terrorize us in the shower. Heck, this EarthChild screams like Janet Leigh in psycho when she encounters most bugs. Now, I respect them. I respect all that is living and I will go out of my way to avoid killing. Yes, I am that crazy lady that will catch bugs in her home and escort them outside. Rather, I am that crazy lady that will scream for her husband to catch bugs in the home and escort them outside. I once had a neighbor frantically knocking on my door asking if I needed police help because a stinkbug landed on my hand as I was typing on my computer. It seems that I screamed like someone being stabbed. In my defense, the stinkbug was really big and I'm quite certain he gave me the finger and threatened to cut me. I should note here that I have five cats. One would think they would provide excellent bug population control. Not true. I once watched all five cats line up on the edge of the couch - tails flickin' like they meant business - to watch a stinkbug slowly meander across the window sill. Sure, one of them would occasionally sniff at the stinkbug, but they would quickly jump back if their nose accidentally brushed up against the beast. So, I don't know about anyone else's cats, but mine are useless in that regard. My house is not some stank roach motel, but we do get stinkbugs, a few spiders (had one the size of a Mini Cooper in my shower the other day - no lie) and the occasional house centipede. Unless you have a home like those on Hoarders, buggies don't necessarily signal a dirty house. Everyone has them.

My ode to bugs over - what to do about them if you don't want them within 50 feet of you? We are all aware that there is no shortage of sprays, pellets, chemical traps, bombs and powders available on the market to extinguish bugs. Some of us are aware that the majority of anti-bug gunk out there is pretty freakin' toxic to humans as well. Lawn and garden pesticides, such as Round-up, are well known for their harmful effects on our health. Pesticides designed for home use, such as Raid, can also be toxic to our health. Some of the known effects of the variety of chemical pesticides out there are simple skin irritation such as rashes, respiratory irritation, endocrine damage, neurological effects and cancer. Pesticides are especially dangerous to vulnerable individuals such as children, pregnant women, the elderly and those with compromised immune systems. It's not an exaggeration to say that we overuse chemical pesticides in this country and that we are, in turn, harming ourselves and the environment due to it. It's extremely frustrating and I believe that we really need to educate the population about the dangers of all of this crap that we are spraying on our lawns, trees and food. Ah, but that's another rant for another day. Today, let's keep it simple. What should you do when you want to keep the crawlies away from you, but you don't want to poison your kids and the environment in the process. Let me share my methods.

I rely on the natural order of nature, plain old plants, essential oils and vinegar to keep the buggies at bay.

Natural Order of Nature

I spoke about this somewhat in the paragraphs above. Bugs are prey critters. Just about every bug has something that will eat them. So, a method at reducing the bug population is to keep the environment friendly for those who eat the bugs. Attracting birds, beneficial bugs and bats to your yard is a great way to keep pests at bay.

Birds are relatively easy. Have a bird feeder? You have birds. Bird feeders are available at most stores that sell garden and yard supplies - even grocery stores - but you can also make them. Search around on google or Pinterest and you'll find ideas for crafting bird feeders from wood, leftover soda bottles, used milk jugs, used orange juice containers and more. You can also offer suet and place it in a suet cage or on a platform. Heck, I have even just placed leftover chunks of suet on the ground in my garden the birds seem fine with it. Suet is generally made up of solid animal fat (ew) mixed with seed, oats, nuts, raisins and the like. It attracts birds who also love, love, love insects; bluebirds, chickadees, woodpeckers, mockingbirds, wrens, catbirds, robins, titmice, nuthatches, tanagers, warblers....oh, there are so many. So, they'll come for your seed and suet cakes, and will stay for the bugs. Getting the kids involved in making feeders, filling feeders and watching and identifying birds is always a bonus.

Bats provide plenty of population control. They enjoy a delicious insect entree, with mosquitoes being among their favorite. I know bats freak a lot of people out, but they can be incredibly beneficial. I understand if you prefer to shy away from attracting these incredibly adorable rodents to your home. However, if you would like to increase your bat-friendly backyard status, I encourage you to research bat homes. These are flat wooden boxes that you can hang high up on the side of your home or an old tree. You can buy them at some nature centers, garden stores or you can even find tutorials online for building them on your own. Don't worry, you won't have a billion bats flying around your head. They are typically only active for a few short hours at dusk and dawn. Night blooming plants (think Four o'clocks, Evening Primrose, Moon flower) will attract them. Having a bat-friendly yard is an important step in conservation and a wonderful lesson for children in regards to environmental stewardship. Nearly 25% of the world's bat population is currently threatened and that number is expected to rise. Not only do bats provide pest control, but they are also pollinators. We need them.

Another important step is to keep standing water off your property. If you are going to have a bird bath, make sure birds actually use it everyday. If it just stands out there alone and untouched everyday then you might want to get rid of it. Also, change the water daily. Standing water is home to the larval stage of mosquitoes. Eliminating it is a major step in keeping them away. Ponds are popular, but be aware that they can turn into a nursery for infant mosquitoes. You may want to install a fountain or a filter that will keep the water moving. Be sure to clean up kid's toys, flower pots, garbage cans and other things that may collect standing water.

Ladybugs. Get ye some ladybugs. These adorable little guys will chow down on aphids and keep your garden healthy. And if the ladybugs get out of control? Well, the birds that you're attracting will eat them. The circle of life. Now, I know you can order ladybugs from garden centers and online stores. That is not part of my expertise, so I won't comment on that. I do know, however, that you can attract ladybugs with flowers and herbs. There's a large variety of plant life that will attract them - some of the most common are marigolds/calendula, tulips (they really enjoy cup-shaped flowers), dill, cosmos, dandelions, chives, alyssum, chamomile, lavender, feverfew and fennel just to name a few. One thing I rarely notice mentioned when talking about attracting ladybugs is milkweed. Milkweed is often grown to attract monarch butterflies as it's an important food source for their caterpillars. Milkweed is often attacked by aphid. If you've got aphids, you'll attract ladybugs.

Plants

There are a large number of plants who, typically by virtue of their scents, repel all sorts of insects. The best part is that many of these plants have other uses, such as in food or homemade medicine. Many of them can be grown both outdoors and indoors. Growing them outdoors can keep bugs away from your children's play area, your picnic table or anywhere that you like to hang out in your yard. You can also grow these plants in order to make your own cleaning solutions, herbal preparations or balms to apply to your home and body.

Mint - anything in the mint family will usually repel ants, fleas, aphids and even roaches. They despise the smell of mint. Mint plants will also deter mice and, sometimes, mosquitoes. Be careful as mint plants can spread quite a bit. I grow mine in little pots. I also dry and crush the leaves and sprinkle it around baseboards when I'm out of peppermint essential oil. Peppermint will also repel mice.

Rosemary - this happy little plant will repel mosquitoes, flies, moths, ants, slugs and beetles. It's also good luck to plant by your front door.

Lavender - repels ants, mosquitoes, ticks, fleas and moths. If moths are a concern in your home, you can dry lavender and hang it in your closet or place it in your drawers.

Marigolds - these sunny flowers repel aphids, bean beetles, squash bugs, white flies, mosquitoes and even veggie-stealing bunnies.Marigolds are in the calendula family, but you want the cheaper marigolds that give off a very heavy scent to repel insects.

Basil - there a a billion varieties of basil and most will repel mosquitoes, flies and Japanese beetles.

Catnip - great for tea and it repels mosquitoes, ants, roaches, beetles,fleas and aphids. Beware, it also attracts cats. However, I have not had a problem with attracting neighborhood cats by growing this.

Lemon balm - repels mosquitoes and flies. I have actually rubbed lemon balm leaves on my arms and legs to keep mosquitoes at bay.

Tansy - when we first moved into our apartment, I noticed a ton of this growing in our little garden. I almost pulled it up. I'm glad I didn't. This little herb gives the finger to mosquitoes, flies, fleas, Japanese beetles and moths. It does spread easily, so keep an eye on it.

Bay laurel - this is another that takes up space and needs to be brought indoors for Winter. It can grow to about 6 feet tall. You may prefer to just buy fresh or dried bay leaves. You can places dried bay leaves in containers of flour, oatmeal, rice or other ground grains to keep the weevils at bay. Roaches absolutely despise bay laurel. Grinding it into a powder and sprinkling it on the carpets or at your doorways helps keep critters at bay (I seriously did not mean to use that pun). You can also stick bay leaves in cracks and crevices to deter roaches and other pests.

 Citronella grass - this is a giant plant that takes up a lot of room. However, if you have the space for it then you'll find that it repels mosquitoes, flies, fleas and ticks.

Essential Oils and Vinegar

White vinegar is an excellent household cleaner. Be sure that your white vinegar is grain-distilled. Otherwise, it may be derived from petroleum and we don't want that. Vinegar in and of itself will deter many insects, including ants and roaches. You may find that you either can't grow plants or maybe you want an extra boost indoors. Many of plants I listed can be made into essential oils that you can find at your local health food store, Whole Foods and even supermarket (Giant sells a variety of essential oils). Be sure you are getting essential oils, which are made from plants, and not fragrance oils, which are made from the devil's ass hair and other toxins.


My preference is to mix a few drops of essential oil into my vinegar solution. My vinegar solution is merely a spray bottle filled half and half with vinegar and water. The essential oils you add are based on your own preference. In my home, ants are the common visitors and I find a vinegar solution with both peppermint and lavender added to it to be highly effective. I just spray floors, walls, windows, doors, counters and pretty much everything else with this solution. I have also rubbed straight peppermint oil on my windowsills to keep ants at bay. You can place a few drops of peppermint oil onto a cotton ball or a small swatch of fabric and leave it in corners or common entryways for ants and roaches.

Be warned - only try a couple of drops of any essential oil at first. Some people find that certain oils bother them or irritate their senses. Peppermint oil, rosemary and citronella can be especially pungent.

Another method I have used is to wash my floors with peppermint-scented Dr. Bronner's castille oil. We noticed ants in our kitchen last summer, so I washed the floors with some peppermint castille soap and they never came back.

This list is not the final say in pest control, of course. I am hoping this gave you some suggestions for naturally repelling unwanted guests from your home. There are other methods out there, but this lists is what I know best and what I have personally used.

I want to give an honorable mention to diatomaceous earth. Food grade diatomaceous earth is lauded by many as a natural way to get rid of pests. I know plenty of people who use it. I did not mention it here as I have personally never used it or done much research about it. If you know plenty about it, please drop a line in the comment section so readers can use that info as a resource. Thanks!

With A Little Help From My Friends

Image Copyright JSH August 2010

Two years ago, my world was nearly finished. I had just learned that the baby I was carrying, River, died. I was waiting for my body to release her. If you have been following my blog for a while, you know I have gone through many ups and downs. Lots of downs. Down deep. My emotions and sanity were flung so far down to a level I never knew existed. When I step back and look at myself, I wonder how I am even here. Truly, if it wasn't for my little boy, I may not be here. Th love for my little boy is what kept me holding on and the support from some amazing friends kept my head above water as I was drowning.

During my miscarriage, I experienced all levels of support. As I have written in the past, being a mother who has miscarried puts you in a weird place. Society doesn't know what to do with you. A lot of people are uncomfortable with the idea of someone losing a baby. A lot of people are uncomfortable with the grief that accompanies such a loss. As such, many parents who lose babies feel very alone. There may be an initial burst of support, but that quickly wanes. Many experience an outright shunning. People no longer want to deal with your grief. YOU inconvenience THEM. I certainly experienced this. I have never, ever felt so alone. I have never felt so guilty for being a human and having those pesky emotions. I am so thankful for the love of my family and some friends for reminding me of the light. I lost friends because of my miscarriage. I lost my own respect for certain people in my life after I heard things they said about me not two weeks after I found out River died. It was so hard to grasp at those leftover pieces of sanity after all of the bullshit that I heard and read about myself. Thankfully, there were a few people who helped me.

Amongst all the negative, I had wonderful support from my family and my husband and some of my friends. I don't want anyone to feel slighted because I don't mention them, but I really appreciated their support. Some old friends from grade school and high school shared their stories of loss with me and told me how they were able to regain their strength and make it through. Friends from work also shared their stories and their strength. Others who hadn't experienced such a loss rallied around me, listened to me and gave me their love. A co-worker made me a necklace with River's name on it and that meant so much for me, especially at a time when I struggled to find people there who acknowledged what happened to me and that I was NOT crazy when I had emotional breakdowns. Two friends stand out, Eve and Lauren.

Eve is a nutrition goddess. She's not one of those weirdo dietician people who spout outdated and incorrect diet information from 1967. She has studied for a long time and she really knows her shit. Helping people achieve their optimal health through nutrition and exercise is her business (along with her husband). She knows food is medicine. She is not, however, judgmental. She isn't going to make you feel like crap because you ate a twinkie pizza. She'll just gently guide you to the right resources. She doesn't do this because she wants you to be a robot follower. She genuinely cares about the health of people and our planet. After my miscarriage, she gave me lots of love and good energy. She is three thousand miles away from me, so we communicated via text and Facebook. She was one of the few who would check in on me almost daily to see how I was doing. We talked about the fact that I was emotionally so out of whack and that my depression was scary. We talked about what was going on with me physically that could have contributed to my miscarriage. I'll admit, for all of my hippie, crunchy granola lifestyle, I wasn't eating the best. I tend to take care of others while I neglect myself. I would make sure my son ate optimally. Same for my husband. I won't feed my cats anything without reading all of the ingredients and understanding them. When it came to taking care of me, I wasn't so careful. After lots of talking, she thought I might have an issue with low progesterone and way too much estrogen. It's a common problem for women today, especially due to the piss poor standard American diet. She encouraged me to use a natural progesterone supplement called Progest-E, which is a gel that you rub on your gums. She also counseled me on making wiser choices with my food. She knew that the right foods would heal my body and my mind. For the past two years, Eve has put up with my random texts asking stupid questions about foods, hormones, exercise and  the like. With her help, I started taking the progesterone and changing my eating habits. It most definitely made a difference. My cycles evened out (I had a short luteal phase, which is usually caused by low progesterone and can increase the risk of miscarriage) and I began to feel better both mentally and physically. To this day, Eve is always there when I need nutritional advice at 1am or just plain old emotional support. Everyone needs an Eve.

And Lauren. We all need a Lauren. Lauren is one person who has seen the ugliest side of me many times and she still loves me. Lauren has had many chances to tell me that she is so over me, over my drama, over my issues and that she can't handle me anymore, but she doesn't do that. For me, Lauren is that single set of footprints in the sand during some shitty times in my life. I've known her for about 6 years now. I met her on the other side of my cervix, as she was one of my midwives when I was pregnant with my son. Lauren and I are a great example of how two people with quite a few differences can still be awesome friends. On the surface, we are both natural birth crunchy people, though I take the granola cake here. We have super opposing views on certain things. She is a very conservative Christian and conservative republican. I am a filthy liberal Christopagan. We definitely have different views on some issues, but that isn't what friendship is about. While the rest of the world would like you to think that polar opposites can't get along, we happen to be mature adults. It's about more than sharing common social ground. We share a very similar spirit, even if it's expressed differently. Honestly, we're just both awesome and awesome attracts awesome. That's why we work. I mention all of this because it seems like it's so easy to give up anymore. It's easy to brush people off if they don't fit a certain ideal or behave a certain way. Back to my miscarriage. I have written before that Lauren would always call or text at the exact moment that I really needed her. It would be the middle of the night and I would be crying in bed, asking God if He really listened and was there and my phone would go off with a text from Lauren (working the night shift in maternity) just checking up on me and sending me love. She was always there right when I needed someone. She heard the worst of me. She listened to my sadness, my promises to kill myself, my hatred for myself and other people and God. Like I said, Lauren is a Christian - the daughter of a Pastor - and I would sit on the phone and pretty much tell her that God was an asshole and that I hated Him. Heck, I didn't believe in Him. She never preached. She never told me I was sinning by saying those awful things. She gave gentle reminders that He understood my anger and that He wouldn't be mad at me. After all, He lost a child, too. She heard me say how much I hated this person and that person. I spewed a lot of vile anger at the time in an attempt to pin my pain on anything but myself. Whatever I said, she listened without judgment. She let me get it all out. In those really dark moments, she was right besides me pointing out light. Not to get all preachy, but she reminded me of God's love way more than any Bible, preacher, church or sermon ever could. I was in an awful state and hard for anyone to deal with, but Lauren wasn't going to let me go down. I was drowning in my sea of personal depression and she was my lighthouse, guiding me back to the shore. I've had many dark moments since, especially during this time of year, and she is still there. She has gone through a really horrible time in the past year and I hope that I have been some sort of comfort to her and she finds her own way back to the light just as she has done for me. Even in her rough times, she is still there for me if I need support. She is an excellent example of what true friendship is about.

It can be hard and frustrating to watch people go through shitty moments. Sometimes, it's easy to get angry at them, especially if they wrongly lash out at you in their pain. It's easy to want to slap them and tell them to put on their big girl panties and get the fuck over it. It is easy to write people off as a lost cause. True friends, however, understand that people are not perfect. We all have our dark moments. We all have to sail our little ships on rough seas now and then - those true friends will help you navigate through it. Many times, I have been that person whose hand steadies the wheel at the helm of the ship. I am grateful, then, to have friends who have done the same for me.

I'm writing this to honor special people who have stood by me and who have allowed me to stand by them. I want to remind you all to honor those who have stood by you. Sometimes, we get lost in the chaos of life and we don't truly reflect on the value of friendship. There are times when we don't see ourselves as a value to others. But, you are valuable. Even if your friends suck at expressing it. Most likely, just the knowledge that you are there is what gets them through a rough day or two. They may not need to call on you to fix everything. They may not need you to listen to hours of ranting. Just having the knowledge that you are available to them if they need that shoulder and that you will be there for them with love and without judgment can be one of the most perfect gifts in friendship. They may just need that glimpse of a lighthouse to guide them out of rough waters. While I have had my share of letdowns with people, I take time to remind myself that I do have some wonderful and amazing friends who are nothing less than an absolute treasure. They have helped me keep my eyes on the horizon. I can only hope that I have been able to do the same for them.

Love to ALL.

Labor of Laughter

There is a question I am asked quite often. It's also a question that I see online almost every day. It usually goes something like this, "Hi! I'm overdue and I need to get this baby out. How do I get this baby out of me?" A lot of women want to avoid medical induction since Pitocin can be nasty stuff when it's given out like candy (common in many hospitals) and carries a heavy set of risk, such as stress to the baby and eventual C-Section. So, you end up with a ton of advice on how to get that baby out without using the hospitals P-Juice. Some examples:

• Walk. Walk. Walk. Now walk it out, walk it out, walk it out (obscure rap reference).
• Sex. Lots of sex. Lots of sex that involves semen. Sperm it out.
• Cohosh: Black and Blue to bring your baby to you. 
• Red Raspberry Leaf Tea to help the uterus feel sassy and toned so it's in shape for it's most important marathon ever. 
• Nipple Stimulation - twist those little boob nubs to stimulate contraction that you'll hopefully be shouting your way through soon. 
• Acupuncture - if the other kind of poking I mentioned up there doesn't work, then these pokes might.
• Chiropractic - a well-adjusted mom will have a well-adjusted timely labor.
• Castor oil - because after you take the biggest and most foul poo of your life, that baby is not going to want to be anywhere near those intestines. 

 Those are just a few options that women have for helping labor start. There are plenty more. I have never tried to make labor happen. Now, I did drink Red Raspberry Leaf tea and I alternated homeopathic black and blue cohosh for a few weeks prior to my due date in order to get my uterus and her cervix in fantastic shape. Other than that, I am perfectly happy to allow labor to start on it's own prior to forty two weeks. Now, I have never gone more than 4 days over my due date. I may sing a different tune if I were to ever get close to 42. As it stands, I didn't want to rush things, mainly because I procrastinate, but also because I kinda hate pushing. It Hurts. 

 With my son, I went into labor on my own. I knew it was coming overnight, but getting up at 5:30am to clean up diarrhea from my differently-abled kitty (thanks for feeding her cheese, Dad!) kicked everything into gear. My miscarriage started on it's own. My third birth may have been helped along. I may have done things to get the ball rolling, so I want to share it with you. This may give you an alternative to other induction methods. I may start a worldwide trend.

 It was Thursday, August 11. I was due August 8th, but I was in no rush to evict my little girl. I had a pretty normal day, but got hit with the nesting bug later in the afternoon. I had insanely bad SPD (symphasis pubis dysfunction) and was kinda limited when it came to moving around. I couldn't clean as much as I wanted, but I could vacuum. I love vacuuming. It's easy and it produces instant results and makes you feel good. On that day, my nesting took it further. I went all He-Man and picked up my Queen mattress. I vacuumed the box spring. I vacuumed both sides of the mattress. I even put a fitted sheet around the box spring to make it look prettier. Nesting done, I played mini-golf with my husband and son. I almost cried on the golf course, somewhere around the big fake mountain with the big fake unnaturally blue waterfall, because I was an utter mini-golf failure. I couldn't get my balls in the holes. So, I cried. Then I got mad at my husband. This has something to do with pregnancy hormones. After mini-golf, I yelled at my husband in the CVS parking lot and cried some more. I mention all of this because it may be part of the labor induction puzzle. It may be something you want to try.

 When we got home, I sat my giant self in my computer chair and read the posts on my August Due Date Club message board. There were plenty of announcements about new baby as well as lamentations that babies were never coming and  that pregnancy would continue forever. One post stood out. A friend posted a link to a website that included different ways to check the progression of labor without an internal cervical exam. Sweet.  One of the things mentioned was called "The Bottom Line." It's a line that runs from your crackus buttus upward toward your lower back. It's length corresponds with cervical dilation. Here is an excerpt from the site:

"There is something called the ‘bottom line’, which is shadow that extends from the anus up towards the back along the crease of the buttocks. It begins as 1cm and lengthens to 10cm, and it’s length correlates with cervical dilation. Why not look down there before inviting a stranger to put their fingers up inside you? It makes sense to me. Here is current research verifying the existence of the bottom line, and in their trial it was measurable and had acceptable accuracy for 76% of women checked."

Being the sane and rational person I am, I grabbed my floor length mirror and took it into my bathroom. I dropped my pants and bent over in front of the mirror and strained my neck and every possible muscle in my body in an attempt to view my own ass crack. That is damn near impossible when you are gigantically with child. I couldn't see my crack. I spent a half hour contorting myself into different positions and finally trying to squat over a hand mirror to see if I could see a line. Obviously, the baby belly was in the way and it was a no go. I may have blocked it out of my memory, but I can't remember how I finally saw the purple line. I was twisted into the most unnatural position for a human, let alone an enormous pregnant human, and all I could do was see this damn line. Oh no! Seeing it isn't enough. I needed to measure it to see how dilated I was. I opened the bathroom door and called out for my husband. It was just past midnight at this point and my husband was dozing off. I yelled for him to come help me in the bathroom and he came running, white as ghost because he probably figured I had dropped the baby in the toilet like they do in TV shows. I asked him to grab my tape measure from my sewing kit and meet me in the kitchen because we'd need better lighting. Not questioning me, he grabbed the tape measure and found me in the kitchen, butt to world. "See that purple line in my crack? Can you measure that? I need to see if I'm dilated." It's a testament to our marriage that he measure my butt crack line without even questioning me. He said it was 5 to 7 centimeters - "but closer to 7."  He couldn't get a great measurement because I was laughing so hard .Wow! 7 cms. That means I was almost fully dilated and I didn't even feel a thing! OMG! My baby is going to drop out of me after a 10 minute labor...when I finally go into labor. I then did the next most sane and rational thing - I got back online and reported my findings to my August due date club AND everyone on my personal Facebook. My best friend, who also happens to be my midwife, even commented on my status. She thought it was cool.

 I went about Facebooking, smug with the knowledge that my baby was practically crowning and I wasn't even in labor. I figured that I would post in a few days about how my baby just glided out while I giggled. I continued conversations on Facebook and posted a Journey video to a friend's wall. This is important. My friend and I had some weird inside joke involving Journey. Before I left for maternity leave, we would watch the video for "Separate Ways" (otherwise known as "Someday love will find you, break this chains that bind you) in the pharmacy at work and we would laugh our asses off. No offense to Journey fans, but I find the video hilarious. The way Steve Perry over emotes every single word. The sleeveless t-shirts. The super drama. The 80's super model. Bulging denim. The mustaches! And the guy playing his keyboard up against the wall with such bravado - as if playing his keyboard that way was going to save the world from annihilation by some alien race (it's the 80's - think A.L.F.). It's just full of early 80's music video awesome. Totally rad. So, there I was, watching the video I posted to her Wall and just cracking up. I felt a pop in my pelvis and I figured it was just my SPD causing more chaos. I got up to get my husband so he, too, could enjoy the laughter at this Journey video (the lead singer, Steve Perry, makes faces that remind me of my hubby - that was part of the funny).

I opened the door to the bedroom and whoosh! amniotic fluid was splashing onto the carpet. There it was. I was officially beginning labor. That was at 1am. I gave birth at 7:27 pm the next day. Obviously, not the 20 minute breezy labor I had anticipated and I definitely didn't giggle her out. Oh, my midwife checked me later that afternoon. Honestly, the only reason she checked me was to see if I was right about the bottom line. My labor had not been painful up until that moment and I had this fear that I was never going to have strong contractions and that my baby would fall out of my vagina while I was outside walking around. I was...wait for it....3 cms. WHAT!?! Obviously, the bottom line may not be that accurate OR my hubby didn't get a good measurement. I now know that the bottom line is really only accurate further into active labor, not when you are randomly checking your crack at midnight.

I present this all to you to share my experience. I believe that nature should be allowed to take her course in most cases. There are definitely times when inductions are warranted. I also understand the desire to get things moving because you are so uncomfortable or because inching close to 42 weeks means your midwife won't attend your birth center or home birth. So, I wanted to add these two natural methods to the repertoire.  If you find yourself wanting to naturally give the labor ball a little nudge give these two things a try:

• Bend over in front of a mirror to check your butt crack for the magic bottom line. Bonus points for breaking into giggle fits while you post about it on Facebook.
• Watch a Journey video. For added enjoyment, watch it with the sound off. Trust me. 

I hope you have found this helpful. I realize I will most likely start a trend. This will be known as the EarthChild method of labor induction. Books will probably be written. I promise, I will not let the fame get to my head.

The Last Flicker

That was my belly on March 1, 2010. I was six weeks pregnant with River. I was just beginning to get hit by the all day nausea that blesses me in all of my pregnancies. Before this, I had been eating 3lb shank steaks as a snack. Obviously, my body was preparing to not eat for a few weeks.

I wanted to share this photo with everyone. I don't have many from that pregnancy. I just have a couple of belly shots, showing wonderful growth, a picture of my positive pregnancy test and the picture the ultrasound tech gave me of my dead baby. I need to share some sort of photo with you. I need the world to see that she existed. She was real. In this picture, she was snug in my womb, safe and alive. Her growth was causing things in my body to move...making my little belly stick out like that. She caused my breasts to swell and my skin to clear up and glow. She was real. You can see that she was a part of my body then. Everything was hopeful and alive.

I have many anniversaries from that pregnancy. She was conceived in the first week of February - probably the 3rd or the 4th. The test turned positive on February 18th. There is this picture, taken on March 1st. Then there is today. March 13th. Two years ago today was the last day that I saw her alive. I was working and decided to pop the ultrasound probe on my belly. Not a good idea, don't do it. It was a bad pregnancy habit of mine. It wasn't the 1st time I checked for her. I had seen her a couple of times. Alive. Heart beating. March 13th...there she was. She was perfect for a nearly 8 week fetus. She was so much bigger than the last time I had seen her on ultrasound. Growing strong. Her little heart flickered the way it was supposed to. Fast. Regular. Perfect. I counted the beats. She was in the 150's. I felt a sense of relief. I put the probe away, wiped the goo off my belly and shut the machine off. I told myself I wouldn't do another ultrasound until about 20 weeks and I would get it done at the hospital. All was well.

March 15th. I was filled with so much anxiety. I felt a horrid little black rain cloud following me around. I tried to shake it away. I told myself everything was alright, but I couldn't focus on work. I did everything to get my mind off it. I went out for water ice to soothe my nausea. My car broke down. Ah, perhaps that was the anxiety - I sensed car trouble. Miraculously, my car started up again within minutes of calling the tow truck. I went about the rest of my day - dinner, belly dance class, bed.

March 16. I had my first prenatal appointment with my midwife. We discussed my plans. I was feeling super nauseous and even wore sea bands. My midwife was happy that I was so nauseous. I declined the 8 week ultrasound, explaining that I had done my own and that baby was perfection. I went to work that night and things proceeded as normal. I had a sudden wave of feeling very dizzy and very unwell. I told myself it was all normal ... I was even happy as it meant things were working. But, I got this nag. Something was telling me that I needed to check myself with the ultrasound. I tried to push it all down, but it didn't work. The nagging in my brain continued. I gave in and took a peek. We all know the story from here. I stared at that screen for so long, willing that flicker to start up again. I jumped up and down. I jiggled the probe on my belly. I prayed, begged and pleaded in my mind to get the flicker to start up again. But it never did.

March 30th - the follow up ultrasound to confirm what I already knew. A day where I was treated like some subhuman piece of trash without feelings. I'll never get over the way I was treated. Never.

April 1 - the day my midwife called after 8am and said, "it's just as you expected." I finalized my decision then to allow my body to miscarry naturally, knowing that it could take weeks of carrying my dead baby until my body and my heart were ready to let go.

April 18th - the day I finally birthed her into Heaven. My first homebirth, technically.

October 27th - her due date.

It's been two years of frequent spirals downward. This time of year is always hard for me because of the memories. It's hard to escape. I have a bunch of sad anniversaries coming up. I'll deal with them as they come along. Today, I'll remember that moment two years ago when my world was right. When I was standing on the edge of the cliff before starting my depressive free fall. Today I will focus on the memory of her being alive. I will keep that flickering heartbeat forever carved onto my own heart. She was alive.

Recipe: I Can't Believe I Made Butter

Do you like butter? Would you like to have awesome triceps? Did you know you can have both?! How? By making your own butter at home!

Butter is one of those things that I am picky about. I buy organic most of the time. My first choice is organic butter from a local farm, but it's not always in stock. I'll buy organic at the grocery store, but sometimes I feel dirty because they usually only carry Organic Valley or other factory farm companies. I also like Kerrygold. It's butter from grass fed cows in Ireland. It's dang good. I can only find it at Trader Joes and, while this Irish girl fancies things from her ancestral homeland, the carbon footprint of having something flown across the Atlantic isn't a big selling point. And the price for some brands of homemade butter - oh my! We're on a pretty tight budget, so anywhere that I can save money is a giant help.

I knew in my head that you can make butter. I mean, duh, it's been around forever. Obviously people have been making it at home for centuries. I simply picutred a grandma sitting in a chair with an old-fashioned butter churn just churning for hours. I can't do that in my own kitchen. Though, it would be kinda cool. I decided to google it one night when I was unable to fall asleep. It turns out, making butter is kinda simple. I read a lot of pages, but most had the same advice. Shake or mix the hell out of heavy cream. You have butter.

I chose the shake method. This is probably the hardest method as it's labor intensive...sorta. You can use a mixer or even a blender, but more on that later. I chose to add heavy cream to a mason jar and shake away. That's it. That's all you do.

Here's what you need:

• Heavy Cream or Heavy Whipping Cream
• Mason jar or any glass jar with a wide mouth and a lid.
• Salt (optional)
• Willingness to look slighlty silly while shaking that jar like a fool.

You'll notice that I did not list the amount of cream or salt. That's something to tweak on your own based on your preferences. I used 1 cup of cream and it yielded about 3/4 cup of butter. You can definitely add more and freeze it. I didn't add salt to mine.

Pour the cream into the jar. Screw the lid on the jar. Shake. And shake. And shake. Have you seen the commercials for the shake weight? It's just like that, only less assinine and pornographic. The shaking process can take anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes, depending on how much cream you used and how vigorously you shake. It's fine to stop and take breaks now and then. It won't hurt the butter. You can also pass it on to another person and take turns looking silly. This can be a fun activity for kids. Bonus: it helps them burn a little bit of that kid energy.

At first, all that cream will just coat the jar. It'll be easy to shake at this point. As the cream becomes thicker, the jar will feel heavier. You can open your jar and peek in. The cream will go from it's original state, to a thick whipped cream texture and then to a solid.

 As it becomes a solid, the liquid will pull away from the sides of the jar and you'll hear it sloshing around while you feel the solid butter forming.

 Shake it for just a little more. You'll eventually have a lumpy solid ball of butter that has separated away from the liquid (traditional buttermilk - not the same as the thick cultured stuff from the store).

Strain the buttermilk into another container and save for making pancakes or waffles. Dump the solid butter into a colander and rinse it with cold water. This just rinses the excess buttermilk off and helps firm up the butter just a little bit. And that's it. You can roll it into a ball, shape it into a rectangle, mold it into a bunny shape or leave it as a clump o' butter. Store your butter in a glass container or butter dish and enjoy! After refrigeration, it becomes just as firm as store bought butter.

This does not last in my house. I use butter for everything - baking, stovetop cooking, greasing pans, on breads, etc. From what I've read, it's shelf life is about 2 weeks. It does freeze well, however, so you can make a whole bunch and just pop what you don't need immediately in the freezer.

Now, I did say you can use other methods. So far, we have only done the shake method. If you want to try a mixer, just mix it on a slow to medium speed. The same process will occur. It will turn into a thick cream - just like making whipped cream - and then it'll just firm up and separate from the buttermilk. I have also seen a website or two that says a blender works well.

A word about the buttermilk. This is traditional buttermilk. This is not what we are used to buying in the store. It is thin and watery. The store stuff is thick as it's been cultured. You can still use this in pancake or waffle mixes.

I will update you all if I try another method. Right now, I'm enjoying my massively toned triceps.

 This post is part of the Frugal Days, Sustainable Ways Blog hop, sponsored by Frugally sustainable. 

I'm Funky In Spirit, Not In My Armpits

Armpits. Some are hairy, some are hairless, some are in that odd regrowth stage between waxes (ouch!). Some are stinky. I know, I know. Our scents are natural and beautiful and are designed to attract a mate. Maybe. That may have been true hundreds of years ago when our bodies weren't subject to all sorts  of processed foods and environmental toxins which we exude through our pores. I, personally, do not like the smell of my  own body odor. I have no problem with people who think a bit of eau de naturale pit is fine. For me, I like a little stank control.

And boy do I stank. No really. I stink post partum. I've heard this is common, so I'm not the only one. I'm sure it's related to the complete hormone seizure that takes place in our bodies after we have our babies. It's a nice kick in the vulva after we've given birth - here you are, leaking goo from your vagina, leaking milk, you haven't slept since Tuesday and you can't even remember where the shower and is and, on top of that, your body is going throw in a little extra fragrance just for kicks. I'm sure there is a perfectly wonderful evolutionary reason for it. It was probably to signal to other potential mates. The scent says, "Hey, this lady just had a baby. She is extra stanky. Do not try to make love sweet Neanderthal love with her." Really...I love the natural life and I think our bodies are amazing. There are so many things that our bodies are designed to do that just blow the mind. The subtle messages contained within our odors are part of that amazing design. But, again, I choose to mask those a little bit.

Like most Americans, I spent years using typical anti-perspirants from the store. I never thought twice about loading my pits up with the white stuff. Years later, information came out that maybe, just maybe, the aluminum which keeps perspiration at bay can be toxic to our bodies. I also learned that it's the aluminum in anti-perspirants that is responsible for the yellow stains under the arms of our clothing. Not cool. So, I switched to a more "natural" deodorant. Personally, there aren't many natural deodorants that I have liked. I find that they still contain other questionable ingredients, such as parabens, or that they plain don't work. Or, they assume that all of us hippie folk want to smell like a garden of patchouli, lavender and oregano. I have nothing against those scents. My dad uses patchouli all.the.time. I just don't like it on me. The only brand I have really liked is Bubble and Bee Pit Putty. There are no scary ingredients and they work with you to find a scent combo you like. However, like many other natural deodorants, it's expensive. I cannot afford $10.00 for deodorant at this point in time. So, I looked for other options.

A few weeks ago, I switched to just coconut oil. Coconut oil is antimicrobial and helps to kill the stank bacteria in your pits. It's also pretty soothing. I can easily become satisfied with just using coconut oil. However, I like to tinker with things and I like whipping up concoctions. I also wanted something that may afford me some wetness protection. In my research, I have found that the following will help keep some of the sweat at bay; arrowroot powder, cornstarch and baking soda. I just needed a recipe that included some combination of those.

I found a recipe on Naturally Knocked Up. The directions are as follows:

1/4 cup baking soda
1/4 cup organic cornstarch or arrowroot powder
5-6 tablespoons coconut oil, softened
5-10 drops tea tree oil
Mix all ingredients together and press into an old deodorant container. To use, let it rest against your skin for a couple seconds to soften the coconut oil, do one slow swipe under each arm and use the palm of your hand to spread it around.

I modified that recipe. Baking soda has the potential to be irritating. I already know, from trying to make a facial scrub with it (don't ask) that it irritates my sensitive skin. So, I cut out the baking soda completely. This is what I ended up doing:

1/4 cup arrowroot powder
1/8 cup cornstarch
Another 1/8 cup arrowroot powder (I'm so sorry, I literally have a math disability - dyscalculia - and it's impossible for me to add fractions. I wrote it like this because I can't add 1/4 and 1/8. Yikes)
6 tablespoons softened coconut oil. 5 drops lavender oil. 2 drops orange oil (done by mistake).

I combined all of those ingredients in a bowl and mixed them together. I didn't soften my coconut oil, so it was a little hard to work with at first. So, I decided to mix it with my hands since the warmth of my hands would soften my coconut oil. It worked, but don't do it. It took forever to wash off. Once mixed, I stuffed it into an old deodorant/anti-perspirant container. It did not all fit into the container. I ended up storing the rest in a 4 ounce Ball jar. It can be stored in the refrigerator. Technically, you should be able to store it out of the fridge if the ambient temperature is less than 74 degrees Fahrenheit as this is when the coconut oil will liquefy and that would be a big mess. Our house is at 65 degrees, so I figured it would be fine to store on the counter in the bathroom. Wrong. When I took a shower and the room steamed up, I was met with a gooey mess when I opened the container. So, I'm keeping it in the fridge from now on. Refrigerating it may cause the cap of your deodorant container to stick or it may cause it to be difficult to push the deodorant up. No problem, just warm the container in your hands or between your boobs for a minute and it'll soften enough to work. As stated on Naturally Knocked Up, you only need a swipe to avoid getting clumps. I swipe it under my arms and then I rub it in by squishing my pits together and doing a modified bird wing flap. You can just use your hands instead.

Does it work? Well, I think so. I definitely don't smell B.O. funky, but I kinda smell like tacos. Remember where I said I added 2 drops of orange essential oil? That was an accident. I grabbed the wrong bottle at first. I immediately switched to lavender when I realized my mistake. It smelled fine in the bowl. Remember how I said I put my leftover mixture in the 4 ounce Ball jar? That one smells fine, too. My issue is with my deodorant container. I used an old container from Lady Speed Stick Anti-perspirant: Freesia Scented. I cleaned the container out, but I believe the scent is so embedded in the plastic of the container that it will never come out. It created some weird combo of lavender oil, orange oil and chemical freesia that comes out smelling like a floral taco. After I first used it, I had to go to a Mexican restaurant because the smell of tacos put me in the mood. In that aspect, this deodorant was a fail.

The deodorant that I put in the 4 ounce Ball jar works just fine. The scent is fine. It doesn't stop wetness completely, but it does help. Next time I plan on making a few changes. I will, obviously, change my container. I may try to soak it in vinegar to remove the smell. If that is not successful, I will discard it. I have a leftover container from my Bubble and Bee Pit Putty, so I will try that. The jar is still an option, you just have to use your hands. I will also decrease the coconut down to 5 tablespoons and I'll add in an extra 1/8 cup of arrowroot powder. That would bring it to a total of 1/2 cup arrowroot powder. So, I'm still experimenting, but I wanted to share what I have so far.

You can find all of these ingredients at a health food store, Whole Foods, Mountain Rose Herbs or some supermarkets (mine sells essential oils). Experiment with essential oils to find a scent you like, or leave it out altogether. If you try this, please let me know how it works!

UPDATE: 2012 Items to Declutter in 2012. Part 2 - I Think I Can, I think I can

In January, I posted a challenge to myself - to declutter our home. Specifically, the plan is to declutter 2012 items in 2012. In the original post, I gave a little background information as to why I tend to hold onto so much stuff. I also noted that I'd post updates as I go along, which I have done on my Facebook page. I've had some computer issues in the past month that have left me without a real computer and relying on my phone. Hence, the lack of brilliant posts from myself in the past month.

So, where am I? So far, I have decluttered my home of 425 items since January. Awesomeness, right? I will not lie, I feel pretty darn proud. I should note, that the amount I posted here is actually conservative. I have actually decluttered a little more. As I mentioned, my computer had some issues. It's currently being worked on by a friend. I had kept a running list of items on my computer and one of my final tech screw ups before the machine rebelled was not saving the list. Sigh. So, there was one set of items sent out for donation that didn't get listed and are not part of the tally. I can't remember every exact thing that I donated that day.

Most items have been going to Purple Heart. They have been coming out once a week to pick things up from my front step. I also purged my kitchen cabinets of both food and kitchenware. The food is shameful. I hate wasting food, but I had a few expired items in my cabinets. We also got rid of a lot of my husband's grandmother's dishes. They are pretty and they are old, but they have been stashed away for over 5 years. We will never use them because I am unsure of the lead content of the dishes. We already have our set of dishes that we use on a daily basis. Hubby was fine with donating them. We kept a few pieces and I plan to get those plate hangers and hang them up on a wall. I also got rid of various glasses and mugs that never see the light of day. I cleared up so much space in my cabinets. Now things can be stored properly and are more easily accessible. Bonus: I am more likely to cook if my kitchen is looking purdy. I have a mental block about working in the kitchen when it's cluttered and messy.

Emotionally, I have been doing well. I have to admit, I do wish I could wave a magic wand and have everything fall into place and look perfect. There are times when I feel overwhelmed and wonder if I'm ever going to reach my goal. These thoughts happen the most while I'm doing laundry. My laundry breeds. A lot. I have purged so much in the way of clothes. I got rid of 60 clothing items in a single night, with more leaving the house on other donation days. Yet, it still feels like we have too much. Other than those occasional feelings, I have been handling the whole challenge well. I feel like I'm able to let go a little bit easier. I have moments where I'll want to keep something because of it's associated memory, but those moments are getting less frequent.

So, keep checking back to see my progress. I update the totals on my Facebook page, which also feeds into my Twitter. If you can find me on Mothering.com, where the thread orginated, you will see my detailed lists of items donated. I may start adding the lists to my blog. Until then, let's keep on keeping on by not keeping things we don't need to keep. Yeah, I said that.

Pictured: My linen rack. It's a cheapie wire cube rack I got at Target many moons ago. The picture in the beginning is what it looked like before I started a decluttering blitz. Boo! The pic at the end is the way I intend to keep it. I donated a few sheet sets and a chair cover.