Tuesday, January 3, 2012

I Don't Want to See Your Biebs in Public

People, I am offended. I am so, so offended. There is something out there that I see every single day when I am in the mall, the grocery store, the bank, the YMCA, my son's school and even Church! It's something that bothers me and could potentially harm the psyches of my children and yours. It definitely shouldn't be seen in public.

I was originally going to post a picture of this offensive subject, but I thought better of it. You and your children will thank me later. Deep breath. I'm trying to think of how to word this so it won't offend others. Here we go.

It's Justin Bieber.

Oh dear! I see him all the time, wherever I go. His pouting face, half-hidden under a hoodie, is painted across many t-shirts.

Listen. I understand that you like Justin Bieber and he makes you happy. I know that Justin Bieber is what's best for you. But, do you have to flaunt him in my face with your t-shirts? Not everyone likes Justin Bieber. That doesn't mean we have a problem with him, but he just isn't for us. Personally, I tried Justin Bieber, but I found I couldn't like him. My ears and my brain were unable to enjoy his vocalizations. So, I had to switch back to David Bowie, because that was all I could take. But, it's hard to find David Bowie t-shirts. Don't you think I might feel bad because you're flaunting your Justin Bieber t-shirt in public? That's pretty insensitive of you.

Furthermore, what about when I'm out with my children? We're walking along and BAM! there you are with your Justin Bieber t-shirt flappin' in the breeze. We don't need to see that while we're walking down the aisle in Target buying band-aids or Annie's Bunny Snacks. So what am I supposed to do? How am supposed to explain to my children what Justin Bieber is? Because they see your shirt, I have to have a conversation with my children about Justin Bieber and how some people like him. That's not right. I have a very curious 5 year old and now I'll have to sit down with him and explain Justin Bieber. What's worse, he might go home and ask to listen to Justin Bieber. Even worse, he might tell the other students in his Kindergarten class about the Justin Bieber shirt he saw you wearing in public. Then I'll have to deal with phone calls from his teacher, the principal and angry parents. Please, have some respect for the children. The CHILDREN!

Once again, no one is denying your right to listen to Justin Bieber and to wear a t-shirt with his pouting face on it. It's just that it may not be best to wear that shirt in public. Think of your own safety. There are a lot of 12 and 13 year old girls out there who might look at your shirt and start having fantasies. They may even come up to you and ask you where you bought it. Doesn't that make you uncomfortable? Sick!

And, please, don't wear your Justin Bieber t-shirt in Church. Listen, I completely understand that God created Justin Bieber for a purpose. I get that. But that doesn't mean you can just whip off your jacket and go flashing your Justin Bieber shirt in His sanctuary. Modesty is key.

Maybe you can cover up your Justin Bieber t-shirt. That way you can still wear your shirt, but the rest of the public won't have to see it. That's pretty respectful. In fact, they make lots of really nice cardigans that you can wear over your Justin Bieber t-shirt. Or - get this! - you can get a purple hoodie to wear over your shirt! Justin Bieber LOVES purple hoodies. See? Compromise. If you really feel the need to look at your Justin Bieber then perhaps you can find a dressing room or a restroom stall where you can sit down, open your cardigan (or purple hoodie!)and look at yourself in the mirror. You'll still have your Justin Bieber t-shirt. You just won't be offending the general public. You can also go out to your car and wear your shirt openly in there (as long as your not parked next to my mini-van full of children) and even listen to one of his CDs (windows up, please). Maybe you can just stay home and wear your Justin Bieber shirt there. No need to cover up in your own home and you'll probably be more comfortable there because you can wear your Justin Bieber pajama bottoms, too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you know that I don't mean any harm towards Justin Bieber t-shirts. I just don't want to see them in public.

29 comments:

AJDanko said...

This was..... Oh my GOD funny!!!!

Funky Little Earthchild said...

Thank you! :-)

Unknown said...

OH…..MY……GOODNESS!!! Can't breath! Laughing to hard!

Funky Little Earthchild said...

Breathe! Breathe! Thank you!

Chrissy said...

That was freaking HILARIOUS!!! LOVE IT!!

Funky Little Earthchild said...

Thanks, Chrissy.

Rochelle said...

I love it!!!!!!

Erin said...

ha ha! nicely put!

rebecca said...

"Annie's bunny snacks....", LOL. This article just cured my headache!

thecrunchysoup said...

Serious laughing out loud over here. Even my hubs was laughing, he usually doesn't find this stuff nearly as amusing as I do. Good work!

I wanna tell my secrets.. said...

Wonderful! It's gotten a lot of my friends who care nothing about breastfreding laughing and sharing!

Mama Mo said...

Oh my. That is inspired! Thank you for the laugh... I needed that so much today!

Mama2CB said...

I actually don't care how uncomfortable my Justin Bieber shirt makes you. I'll wear it wherever, whenever I want :)

Anonymous said...

Fantastic!

Leah said...

I love your creativity! Spot on.

Jen said...

HILARIOUS!!!!

Bigmammy said...

so funny!

kp said...

You're my Bieber, I mean booby, hero.

Crystal K. said...

This was brilliantly written. I laughed so hard, thank you! :)

Rachel @ Lautaret Bohemiet said...

That was really really funny. Loved it.

Funky Little Earthchild said...

Thank you for all of the love, everyone. I'm glad that so many people have enjoyed this. :-)

Farm Fresh Jessica said...

Oh YES!! (even if I've never actually heard Justin Bieber) And don't you think that people really shouldn't be showing off their Justin Bieber after a certain age? I mean, some times you can be a little old to be showing off the Biebs, like if you can walk, or have teeth, or can talk and even ask for your Biebs...

Anonymous said...

I smiled some, but it wasn't hilarious. Totally agree with the concept tho! I will show mine off as often as needed!

The Laotian Commotion said...

Can I print this out and in flyer form? Pwease? Love this!

Danni said...

@Farm Fresh Jessica

Oh! Being able to ask for your Biebs is the worst! What if you're particularly independent and try to get your Biebs for yourself? That's much too old to be showing off the Biebs huh?

I'm appalled that people don't think about others before they go out in public with their Bieber shirts. I mean seriously, can't they just wear them at home? Nobody wants to see that!

I know I definitely don't want my kids exposed to such things-it's just not natural. People should be more discreet with their love for the Biebs!!

April Weaver said...

I have laughed my butt off (OK, I wish it would be great for weight loss if so) every time I have read this, and disturbingly enough, now I want to go listen to JB music...

Yxl Ian said...

yeah,I think so.and I also like the Justin Bieber t shirt.

Katherine said...

WOW. It's so sad how insecure you are. Breastfeeding is the most beautiful and pure act in the world. You should teach your child that, not teach them that breast are bad and they should be hidden.

Funky Little Earthchild said...

Katherine....you know this is satire, right? You know, making fun of people who have a problem with breastfeeding.....

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