Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Truth I Haven't Told

There is something that I have held back for months because I haven't really been able to let it out to anyone but my husband and a friend or two. I post on Facebook and many of my co-workers are friends there. Anything I say there can be related to a manager. So, I'll say what I have always wanted to say here.

I hated the way my job treated me when I had a miscarriage. Sure, a few people were kind. I got 2 cards from 2 different people, one being someone I never thought would send me a card. Another wonderful lady made me a necklace with both children's names on them. I also received some texts and facebook messages. And one boss was very understanding.


I frequently heard through the grapevine that people didn't support my desire to miscarry naturally. It seemed that some thought I should have a d and c and "get it over with." Some were not keen on my postings to facebook, saying it was "just" an early miscarriage, I was "only" 8 weeks and that I needed to "move on." There was another comment that I wanted attention. Nice.

I will admit that I was little expectant. I DID expect that I would probably get flowers. Maybe that's a little self-centered. Maybe that's because I would have done that for one of my co-workers if this had happened to them. Ok, so now flowers. But, I didn't get a card. Once again, I got 2 cards from 2 people. But no group card. I work with 50+ people. In a veterinary office. We send out cards everyday when a pet dies. If you walk in to my clinic and haven't been to a vet in 15 years, yet you bring us your 15 year old dog who needed to die 4 years ago and we euthanize the dog we will send you a card. Even though you are not a client. Even though you didn't do what's best for your pet and take care of him. We still send you a sympathy card. And all employees sign these cards. Yet one of their own who lost a baby didn't get a card. I guess I didn't rate. You could buy a hamster at Kritters in the mall and if it dies the next day and you bring it in to be cremated - guess what? We send you a card. You work there for 3 years and lose the baby you loved with all your heart. Nothing. They just shit talk you while you were gone.

And my first day back. Silence. Awkwardness. The knowledge that my presence made THEM uncomfortable. And the knowledge that no one acknowledged my discomfort at their silence and discomfort.

This whole experience has completely changed the way I view my job as a whole. And not for the better.

Ah, it felt good to get that out at 4 am. Sadly, no one reads this, but I do feel a little better.


A Joyful Chaos said...

I'm so sorry you had a miscarriage. I know exactly how you feel since I have gone through the same thing. Even years later I have days when I wonder what my twins would have looked like and how different my life would be.

I'm sorry that you are surrounded by people who seem to esteem animals above babies.


Nicole Montgomery said...

That is so heartbreaking. I worked at a gas station when I had my miscarriage. The customers were kinder than that. :( Breaks my heart. I am so so sorry!

Anonymous said...

I read this, and I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish I had the courage to write down some of the crap I'm going through, but I just don't have the courage. Part of me fears retribution from work, and part of me just can't bring myself to be that vulnerable to people. Like you, I've been hurt in the past. I'm slowly finding out who I can trust. I'm glad facebook or myspace (whichever) got us back in touch!!


Funky Little Earthchild said...

Thank you all for the kind comments.
Nicole - I totally believe gas station customers would be kinder than some of my co-workers. Some of them forgot about compassion towards fellow humans.
I'm sorry for your losses, Joyful and Nicole.

Michelle - I am so glad we got back in touch. I was more "hidden" on MySpace when it came to co-workers. I thought about deleting all of my co-workers from Facebook, but it would cause the most unholy uproar at work. So, I come here. Where I havea total of 7 followers. Haha!

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