Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Photos in Five Minutes - Boobies Included

Requested tree hug
Last year, I would occasionally ask folks on my Facebook page to give me ideas for pictures to post on the blog. I give them five minutes to chime in and then photograph the things that were suggested. I haven't done it in a while and I completely forget that blogger can be a bit of a dick about uploading lots of photos. In any case, here are today's requested photos. This is excited stuff folks, there's pussy, booby and even refrigerator photos. That gets people hot. Yes, I know everything in my kitchen needs to be cleaned. It's been so humid that I melt when I move, so cleaning has been on the back burner lately.

My super smart and loverly friend, Crazy Dumbsaint of the Mind, requested a photo of me hugging a tree. I'm not sure if this qualifies as a tree or a bush, but it still needed a big ol' hug.

Stacey asked me to photograph my kitchen window. Alas, I do not have a kitchen window. I would really like one. I have this weird fantasy where I have a kitchen window, right by my sink. Perhaps, it's not a weird fantasy. I personally feel that having a window by the sink would make me much more likely to do dishes in a timely manner. Since I don't have a real window, I decided to add one in using my mad ass Paint skillz. It's hard to see here, but there is an apple tree, some happy little clouds, the sun, a bushy-tailed dog, poppies and som turkey vultures. That shit is copyrighted, yo. Don't even try to steal my artwork.








Liberty Ann requested "boobies." She did not specify which type of boobies. I brought up these images on the Google. This is a delightful little bird known as the Blue-Footed Booby. 












Lindsay wanted to see my toaster and Amanda requested my microwave. I don't use either very much. They sit side by side on my crowded counter. Yes, they need to be wiped down.
Yes, those are produce stickers on the door of the microwave. My son loves to stick those in random places in the house.















Next up is a request by Thomas. He wanted a tree and a flower. He didn't specify if they needed to be real, so he gets the tree-shaped toothbrush holder and the flower in my hair. 
The monkey tree toothbrush holder is from Target. I balance out my betrayal of the planet for buying China-made goods by using Preserve toothbrushes, which are made out of recycled yogurt cups. Of course, I gag whenever I remember they are made from yogurt cups since I think yogurt tastes funny. 

I personally think everyone should wear flowers in their hair now and then. I do. Someone from my belly dance studio made awesome flower hair picks. I love them - it brightens my day and attracts the occasional bee.









Pussy shot! This is my cat, Gawain. Chandi wanted to see a kitty pic. Gawain is 9 years old and I have had him since he was about 12 weeks old. He found me at my old job when I was working with one of the horses in the barn. Apparently, one of our clients tried to give him to the clinic. When the receptionist told him they were unable to take any animals in for adoption at the time, the person left with the kitten and threw him out into the parking lot. He wandered around, found me, and began rubbing up against my leg and purring his poor little heart out. I had just taken in a baby kitty, Duncan, 12 weeks earlier and sore up and down that we were going to be a one cat household. Ha! Gawain here is one of 5 (6 total if you count my little Abigael in Heaven). I put him in a cage in the kennel and labelled it, "Gawain," after one of the Knights of the Round Table. I couldn't take another cat and the clinic decided that they would keep him an find him a home. The next day, I found that the kennel attendants didn't like the name I chose and changed it to "Poopy." Yes, Poopy. At that moment, I decided he was mine. No one was naming him Poopy. I'm a sucker.

April wanted to see my favorite blanket. Donni Lee wanted to see my favorite books and DVDs. It's hard to choose those. Also, my kids were watching, so I couldn't go near the DVDs because then they would start screaming to watch something and the toddler would insist on pulling out every single DVD and stepping on them. I managed to steal one, mainly because I found it hiding under the couch. I swiped it when the kids weren't looking. Labyrinth is the movie. It's my favorite. I saw it in the theater back in 1986 when I was 7 years old. That was my introduction to David Bowie, one of the biggest influences in my life over the last 27 years. Love him. Love him. Love him. The books are; Earth Prayers, The Birth House, and The Red Tent. I really can't choose favorite books and, to be honest, I chose these because they were my favorite books on the top shelf of my bookshelf. Frankenstein is one of my all time favorites, but I don't actually have a copy at the moment.
The blanket was made for my son by my mom. It's a bunch of really bright robots. We all know I love bright colors. 



Speaking of bookshelves, Lady and Hoots wanted to see mine.
This is a cheap ass number from Wal-Mart. I had to build it myself. Surprisingly, it was USA made. It's actually held up well for 5 years. It houses my books. Not my kids books...mine! There are novels, veterinary texts, pregnancy books, poetry anthologies (belonging to my husband), various human medicine texts, mythology books, an art history textbook, journals, earth-friendly books, religion stuff, biographies, home how-tos, breastfeeding texts and books and more. There's even a book about Storm Chasing (Into the Storm by Reed Timmer). I read a lot of both fiction and non-fiction.







Sarah wanted to see my dishwasher detergent or the ingredients that I use to make it. I don't make my own. I haven't tried that or making my own laundry detergent yet. I see so many mixed reviews on both and I just haven't made the leap. I normally use Ecover. I used to use Planet until it became hard to find in local stores. I also like Sun and Earth, a local company, but it's hard for me to find close by and the cost isn't always okay with me. I usually get Ecover on sale. I have also used Seventh Generation and would get it via Amazon Subscribe and Save, but they have super raised the price lately and the company isn't my favorite. They're big on greenwashing.


I do dishes by hand, not the dishwasher. Ours is old and gross.







Brave is the person who ventures inside my fridge, which is what Chelsea and Humble Spoon wanted to do. It's not that bad, really, just rather empty. We've got lots of eggs, yogurt (not mine!), cottage cheese, plenty of local milk, not-so-local cheddar, a bit of fruit (unseen - it was on the counter), water, maple syrup, juices (yes, even *gasp* non-organic orange juice. Yes, I know about the flavor packs they use and how it will cause me to grow breasts inside my mouth), and some lonely little celery stalks destined for the stock pot. I don't know why I'm listing everything - just saving you from squinting.









Even more brave is the person who wants to see my kitchen sink, as requested by Jennifer. Someone call my husband and tell him to do the dishes.














Michelle wanted to see a random dog, but I couldn't find one, so here is a picture of my dog, McKenna. She passed away almost exactly 5 years ago after a 19 month battle with bone cancer and an amputation of her leg. She kicked that cancer's ass for quite a while.

















Thomas wanted to see a random animal. This little dude is an alpaca made of alpaca wool. You can also see a goofy little turtle along with the Goddess doll lovingly made for me by Joni Rae of Tales of A Kitchen Witch fame.













Trista wanted to see my favorite plant, which I absolutely cannot choose. This is yellow loosestrife. It's considered an invasive weed in some locations, but it never spreads in my garden and doesn't bother anyone here. The bees love it. I love it. It stays.













Ashley asked for a picture of something yummy that I grew myself that most people don't. Well, I can't grow food here because the apartment complex sprays pesticide like it's water. This is all I have in my house that I grew myself - my dehydrated and ground up placenta. I only make a few capsules at a time. Because I'm lazy.












Last, but not least, Dixie wants to see my favorite spot to sit and take a breath of fresh air. Since I was stuck at home today, I chose to photograph that location here. I normally like to go to a park or the beach for some nice air. This is just my crappy little Ikea chair on my front "porch."This is where I sit and read or yell at my children while they play.

Holy crap. We made it through all eleventy billion pictures. I am sorry for those who are still using dial up. All photos are copyright ME, so don't steal them or I will do something drastic, like call you and sing or leave buttcrack sweat on your favorite chair. I know they're awesome, but their mine. All mine. They were taken with my Droid because I couldn't find my camera. It was where I left it, which is the last place I thought to look - in my camera bag.

Hope you enjoyed my dirty kitchen, my flowers, my placenta, and the pussy.

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